The little steps we take...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
The little steps we take...
12
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 10:04am

Often around here, we talk about affairs "just happening", and how that really isn't true. Yes you can say that you weren't out "looking" for an affair, if you weren't. But affairs never "just happen". First, usually, you're friends in some way. Maybe you're co-workers, maybe you're cyber friends, maybe you see him at the gym, maybe he's involved with your family in some way - a family friend or even in-law. Your conversations can be overheard by anyone and they are strictly friendly - exchanges about kids, weather, all sorts of things that you could talk to anyone about.

Then something changes. You notice he has an interest in you that isn't entirely "just friends". Maybe a look, maybe a comment (if it's cyber and you've never met). At this point you have a choice. You can return the look. You can counter the comment with a similar one. You can choose to start seeking him out - more and in a different way than you ever did before. Or you can pretend you didn't notice anything and keep everything friendly/businesslike, just as you've always done. You can, in fact, become even less available and act even more businesslike/strictly friendly than ever before. By taking a step closer instead of stepping away, you are making a choice about seeing where this will be going.

The truth is, none of us were "friends" and then woke up in bed with our APs. For the EAs, somewhere along the line we started exchanging emotional thoughts and maybe sexual - we didn't go from friendly chatting to sexual exchanges or I love u's overnight.

Just wondering if any of you remember those very first steps. Can you pinpoint the first time you acted in a way that you KNEW was a "step" toward an affair?

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 11:03am
Well AP spotted me first over 20 yrs ago, in fact, has told me that he loved me since then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 12:40pm
Here goes, I agree A just don’t happen. For me, I met AP through my job. AP called and needed help and I was the one assigned to help her. Her problem was a bit unique and at first I told her there was nothing I could do. We talked several times on the phone and I heard a true desperation in her voice so, I decided to help her as best I could. I had to meet her to get an item from her and explain the process I needed to use to help her situation out. That’s when it all started for me and her as I found out later. When I walked up to her and we met, my heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t a physical thing just something inside me flipped. I had a hard time trying to stay focused on her needs at the time and I was able to remain very professional. I left, was able to help her and the next day I took her item back and she was grateful I was able to help her. I still remained professional but, inside I wanted to say something to her so bad but, didn’t. I left and thought WOW! that lady had such an affect on me and she didn’t even know it. Well, a few days pasted and I got a text message from her. We exchanged cell numbers in case I needed to ask her questions when I was helping her situation out. We started texting a lot and soon I asked if we could meet? She didn’t want to at first but, she decided to. We talked and laughed and really enjoyed each others company. I found myself wanting to see her more and more. One night, I stopped by her house and told her that I really liked her and she knew that obviously, and she said the same to me. I kissed her that night and it was the sweetest kiss I think I have ever had. When our lips touched it was like magic. Like a whirlwind surrounded our bodies and picked us up off the ground. So, that’s how it all started for me.




Edited 9/23/2010 1:02 pm ET by joe1104

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