The little steps we take...
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| Wed, 09-22-2010 - 10:04am |
Often around here, we talk about affairs "just happening", and how that really isn't true. Yes you can say that you weren't out "looking" for an affair, if you weren't. But affairs never "just happen". First, usually, you're friends in some way. Maybe you're co-workers, maybe you're cyber friends, maybe you see him at the gym, maybe he's involved with your family in some way - a family friend or even in-law. Your conversations can be overheard by anyone and they are strictly friendly - exchanges about kids, weather, all sorts of things that you could talk to anyone about.
Then something changes. You notice he has an interest in you that isn't entirely "just friends". Maybe a look, maybe a comment (if it's cyber and you've never met). At this point you have a choice. You can return the look. You can counter the comment with a similar one. You can choose to start seeking him out - more and in a different way than you ever did before. Or you can pretend you didn't notice anything and keep everything friendly/businesslike, just as you've always done. You can, in fact, become even less available and act even more businesslike/strictly friendly than ever before. By taking a step closer instead of stepping away, you are making a choice about seeing where this will be going.
The truth is, none of us were "friends" and then woke up in bed with our APs. For the EAs, somewhere along the line we started exchanging emotional thoughts and maybe sexual - we didn't go from friendly chatting to sexual exchanges or I love u's overnight.
Just wondering if any of you remember those very first steps. Can you pinpoint the first time you acted in a way that you KNEW was a "step" toward an affair?

You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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Edited 9/23/2010 1:02 pm ET by joe1104
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