a little update
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a little update
| Sat, 11-15-2003 - 8:35pm |
Hi eveyone!Well I'm just posting a little update on my a.Still going on and I'm getting more serious with om and in the process of geting very pissed.Om just doesn't seem to want to call off his engagement.He says he doesn't have the heart because he cares for her alot but doesn't love her but can learn to.I don't agree with that at all.He says that we can still have the a we'll just have to meet in other places besides his apartment.Why in the heck would he marry her if he was still wanting to have an a?Does that make since?I think he wants his cake and eat it to.He said he can't ask me to leave my family for him because he can't give me want I deserve.Yet he still want the a to go on.What do you guys think?I really wish I would just get wise and stop this whole mess but I really do have some strong feelings for him,I think more so then I do h.How can I be so happy yet so sad?

Hi there,
I must say that this baffles me, you mean to say he is not yet married
but doesn't want to end it b/c he thinks he will learn to love her!!!!!
What the hell is that about....... I am sitting here shaking my head... now
i've heard everything...OMG!!!!!!! I am just freaking about this, I really am
So you could be together if you were to leave your H which is sounds like you
are considering and you love him... does he know that you do??? How long have you
been in this A together? I am sorry carebear, for my strong reaction... I think
he is scum, worse than a MM because he has a choice in this at this point..a
MM has less choice, I think mainly if there are children... the MM will stay, then too,
the OMW often stays for that reason too.
From what I can get from your post (sorry, I don't know your whole story so take this for what's it's worth based on the small amount of information I have)... you are M and not leaving your M. He is single and engaged.
If you aren't leaving your M to be with him, then he is free to marry whom he chooses.
If you are leaving your M to be with him, then you're making a mistake because he's already told you he can not give you what you want.
If he broke off the engagement, would the affair still go on? Why is it ok for you to be the married partner but not for him? His R with his fiancee is his business... and if he cheats on her, that's his business, not yours. People marry for all kinds of reasons, and he seems determined to marry her, and to make it work.
If you're happy with the A as it is, then enjoy it. If not, get out. Because your OM has already made it clear that an A is all you will ever have together.
It sounds to me like you are both operating from different foundations in this R. What do you really want? And is he the right person to deliver?
Good luck.
Tai
I am glad you were not offended, and I am sorry you lost most of your original response (I HATE that and it happens to me a lot). My concern is that it sounds like your OM is telling you exactly what he wants... M to fiancee and an EMA with you... but you are hoping he will change his mind. I'm not sure if he's given you any signs to base that hope on. It seems like an honest talk is in order, but that means asking the painful questions AND listening to the answers. Then deciding what you want to do from there.
Also, if you can fall in and out of love with your H, why can't he be out of love then fall in love with his fiancee? Emotions are funny that way.
Good luck, Carebear. Remember to take care of yourself first. You are the only one who will...
Tai
When we entered this thing I made it clear I was never going to leave my marriage. I have a husband who is everything I could expect a partner to be. We have common goals and priorities and I love him very much. I have come to realize that marriage isnt about that high in-love feeling and marriage isnt about things always being picture perfect or easy everyday. Its about being a partner with someone who through thick and thin is always there by your side - someone you work well with in the business of life - someone who at the end of the day can just lay next to you in bed and give you a sense of security and comfort. I have that and I wouldnt trade that for the world.
At times it breaks my heart to think that my OM will someday stand up infront of all of his friends and family and pledge his faithfulness and life to this girl and take her on as his wife and the mother of his children. But then I come back to reality. What do I have to offer to him? Nothing but a few hours a week and a call or two a day...Im not about to uproot my life in the name of love or lust or anything of the sort. It's a reality thing.
And I must agree that your OM is giving it to you straight. He's not dancing around the conversation. He has said that 1) He's going to marry her 2) That he wont ask you to leave your marriage and most importantly 3) that he cant give you what you deserve. That is a very bold statement for him to make and I suggest you listen to him.
In my case I used to think that the ball was all in my court - If I left my DH then OM would leave his fiance and we'd be together...now Im not so sure of that and instead of that fact making me sad it makes me happy because I think he's starting to realize that he may not have such a bad thing with her. She tolerates his crap and trust me, he can dish it! Now she's having his baby and that to gives him more responsibility and I know his love for her has grown with her carrying his baby - I can tell that and it makes me happy because I love him enough to want to see him have what my DH and I have together.
Keep it real carebear and email me if you wanna talk more...
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com