A little vent....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
A little vent....
4
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 11:37am

I am a little flusterated right now. My AP is at a difficult spot. He is about to finsh term in school. Having been where he is right now I know how stressfull it is. Its nearly crushing.


I seen him online and sent him a little smiley face. I get back a sad one. He tells me that he is stressed about school and the general BS that is his life. Now, he use to be more open with me about the way things were at home. He has refered to W as 'emotionally abusive' among other things. He isnt as candid about what goes on since we moved from friends to AP. General BS, this BS and that sorta thing seem to be his code words for what I already know. Im not sure if he just got to the point where he figures I know what he means without giving me he details or if he just doesnt want to share that anymore. I think its the former rather than the later.


I guess my point is that I wish he would really look at where he is at. It hurts me to know that this is going on. First and foremost he is my friend. But I really want to tell him it doesnt have to be that way. It wouldnt be that way here.....


But mostly

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 12:00pm

(( hugs )) My Ap's W is also emotionally abusive and i sometimes wonder how he keeps such calm ( but then,he is a man and is good at hiding feelings).Your post made me realize that if my AP's W was not E abusive then we wouldnt be so close emotionally.My AP has said that an E abusive relation kills the soul and longs for a loving relationship.Now i guess i know why he gravitates towards me.

"guess my point is that I wish he would really look at where he is at. It hurts me to know that this is going on. First and foremost he is my friend. But I really want to tell him it doesnt have to be that way. It wouldnt be that way here....." Many times people who are in the situation dont recognize it till they are in a better relationship and that can only be an A!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 3:17pm

Give unconditional love to an emotionally abused person and he will be all yours.

Love when you can,as much as you can.Life is short and so is young age.Dont take pleasure in his hurt ,instead become more affectionate.I agree,some people dont realize they are in emotionally abusive M,they shut themselves up and carry on with life as it comes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 3:45pm

I hope I didnt sound like Im taking pleasure in his hurt. I am not. Not at all. I just feel a little gulity because I know the more that she acts like this then the more I can be his soft place. The one he talks to. That tells him how great he is and that I care.


Plus its a little hard for me because it seems like the best way to soothe him is to be vulnerable myself. It can be hard to tell him how wonderful I think he is and that

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 9:01am
You are on right track.Dont feel guilty.Its the spouses loss.If they cant be available emotionally then someone else will be.You love each other and fulfill the needs/wants.What more can you ask for?except that its an A.If staying in A makes you happy then stay,it can be better than that miserable M.I am rambling.I really regret my past and present.Its a life wasted w/o real love.Getting out of an abusive M can be very difficult.My sister( God bless her soul)had a very controlling and abusive H.
Sorry to ramble so much today.I guess you are right.If the W wasnt so,then he wouldnt be coming to you.How does that saying go about all being fair in love?