That Little Word That Makes Me Crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
That Little Word That Makes Me Crazy
9
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 11:08am

In light of all the affair scandals in the media, celebrity breakups and so on, there is this one little word that is driving me crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 1:50pm

I am sorry the word hurts you ( so not repeating here ).Thats the reason they say that affairs are not for the light hearted,they work well for the thick skinned.
I am not being faithful to my H but if my AP called me by any one of those names,I am not sure how I will react.Even though he is S , he too participating in something which is not right.Its both ways.I have been in A before so I am thick skinned.

If you are sensitive or light-hearted,the word will hurt you and you may not even want to continue the A because it makes you feel disgusted ( you are in EA so dont feel bad,IMO. Love is pure and simple.But unfortunately,it gives other people to judge very quickly).

(The people on EAS are 'glorified' cheaters,IMO)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 3:10pm
AP doesn't like that word, either.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2008
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 3:33pm

Why does it bother you? Elaborate, I would be interested in your reasoning.
We are cheaters after all. Yes, society can be hypocritical and I am sure many people who publicly 'judge' affairs might be involved in affairs too.. But 'cheater' is just a word we use in our culture to describe people who are involved with more than one person.

I think human sexuality is very complex by nature, and infidelity is part of our genetic make-up just like monogamy. Some people tend to gravitate towards one extreme, some towards the other, and then in different phases of our lives we can switch between the two.

I don't think you can judge a person's character just because they are attached/like/have sex with more than one person. Beyond the fact that it is in our genes, if you think about it, it makes perfect sense to romantically like more than one person. With friendships too, we have all kinds of different friends and we like them for different reasons. Yet, in the friendship realm, it is perfectly acceptable to have many, and you friends will not get jealous of you (most of the times anyways;-) /break off their relationship with you just because you have other friends too.

I am rambling a bit, but just one more point: I never understood why when after many years of a marriage/relationship when discovering that their partner cheated or had an affair some people say “Our entire relationship was a lie” etc. Why would it be? The time spent with the other person/AP does not disqualify the good times with spouse/partner.
Bottom line: I don’t particularly care if people call us/unfaithful celebrities’ etc. cheaters. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 10:49pm

Hmmm this is an interesting conversation huh. The marriage vow to be faithful is put above all others when it comes to breaking that vow.


But what about the breaking of other vows that often leads to the breaking of the fidelity vow.


I promise to love, cherish, honour you.


If I had felt those things, I wouldnt have succumbed to them from someone else.


No doubt what I and my AP are doing is wrong. But no less wrong in my eyes than all the other vows that were broken along the way.


Noone talks of them. Noone says, 'Celebrity

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 11:50pm

You raise some good points, igs.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 7:21am

I come down on the side of, calling a spade a spade. For myself, anyway. If someone else wants to pretty up what they're doing with other words, that's for them to do. But what I'm doing is cheating. I've done it for most of my life, which I guess makes me a cheater. I'm not proud of it but I'm not ashamed of it either, it is what it is and I am what I am. Very few ppl in my life today know it, though, which I guess makes me a liar, too . . .

Anyway, enough rambling

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 11:00am
Yes, it is hypocritical, as such a large percentage of people cheat, that many of the news people pointing fingers and calling out "cheaters" are also cheaters.



But the word doesn't offend me. I am a "cheater" by the definition. It is what it is.



BTW - I love this:



I am rambling a bit, but just one more point: I never understood why when after many years of a marriage/relationship when discovering that their partner cheated or had an affair some people say “Our entire relationship was a lie” etc. Why would it be? The time spent with the other person/AP does not disqualify the good times with spouse/partner.



That is so true. I know my H would think our whole marriage was a lie. But most of it is NOT a lie. What I share with him is truly what I share, and most of it is good! That's one reason I know discovery would be devastating to him. It would cast a huge pall on the whole marriage. It's so frightening to me to imagine how he would feel.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 1:19pm

I agree with your comment:


"It IS hypocritical how people may not necessarily agree with my H's verbal/emotional abuse of me, but would crucify ME for having an A"


After the d-day of my first A, seven years into my marriage, my H and I are sitting in the marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 12:26pm
The word/term that irritates me the most is "sex addiction".