Lonely OW - ready to move on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Lonely OW - ready to move on...
4
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 9:46pm
I've been seeing a MM since last May. We'd really gotten close, and felt really good about where our relationship was going. He was in the process of leaving, and knew that I never intended to be the "other woman" and that I wouldn't do it for long. In the meantime, complications came up - wife's health, loss of his job, finding a new job, but it's not very local, wife's health again, etc. While I believe he DID intend to leave, and has seen a lawyer, the financial constraints are a huge problem.

It's now been 2 months since I've seen him, though we still talk on the phone and email. I am left now wondering if I was played - though deep down I don't believe it. Even if I wasn't played, I feel very disappointed in the whole thing. I know there are very good reasons for our not seeing each other lately, but deep down I keep thinking, if our roles were reversed, I would have found a way to see him and not leave him wondering what's happening.

If I were someone else reading this, I would think that the person writing this sounds like a complete fool - of course she was played! But I honestly don't think so. Still, it's Valentine's weekend, and I'm lonely. No call, no email, no nothing. I really don't ask for a lot, but the message is getting through louder and clearer, even though he has yet to actually address it.

I'm moving on now, and hoping to meet someone new - someone UNMARRIED, for sure. I definitely don't like being the "other woman" and don't intend to be one again.

Mr. K***** in NJ, I know you read these boards sometimes. I hope things work out on your end, but I don't feel you've been completely honest with me, and I won't continue this way. You knew that from the beginning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 9:52pm
Good luck dusty, sometimes were not played sometimes things just workout the way they do.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 10:10pm
I know how you feel dusty.....while my MM (sounds like an oxymoron) and I have been seeing one another for just under 3 months. I really feel like I am being played. I am told every time we are together that he is only with his W because of his Daughter. That he can't hurt his daughter. While I understand. I have no reason to not believe him. I just can't help but thing he isn't being truthful......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 11:14am
Hi guys. That's such a hard feeling, isn't it? Of course we don't want to believe we're being played. We've invested so much of ourselves and our hearts into these relationships. And it's true, there's as much reason to believe that it's just the happenstance of life that got in the way and not that we were played. Not EVERY relationship we enter into is supposed to be forever and ever, amen. Relationships run their course and that's as true for affairs as for 'normal' ones. Can you believe that may be the case?

As for the post about the delay in leaving due to the daughter. Never discount the power of guilt. Guilt will make a person do something they don't want or keep at something longer than they might have otherwise. I stayed in a contented, less-than-satisfactory marriage for 6 years because of guilt. It very likely is true that he's worried about the effects of a divorce on his daughter. And it is also very likely true that he will not resolve that conflict in his mind for a long time. My advice to you would be to get cozy with the idea he's staying married. If being an OW is working for you, then stay with him. If it's not, you've got some thinking to do.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 6:49pm
I have to agree, so strongly with Lucky, Dusty ones. Guilt and devotion will keep me here for a long time. AND so would the guilt of leaving MM, have no choice, as both us are comfortable in that fact that we are OM and OW.. not easy as guilt is present on all sides. BUT it does work.. live for today, the moment, the minute, tomorrow may never happen. Good luck in your thinking Dusty.... it is never easy to close the chapters, and open new ones. And EMA are exactly the same as normal relationships, they are maybe even more intense.

Great reply Lucky