Long distance affair...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Long distance affair...
7
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 8:02pm

Has anyone ever been in a long distance affair?


We live about 6 hours apart. He is single, I am married. We have known each other about 6 months. As of right now, it is an emotional affair, but we both want it to go further. He has said the "I love you's" and I'm on the fence about saying it. He says he will wait for me as long as he has to wait, but I am beginning to feel as though I'm being very unfair to him.


He has been married and divorced and has older children. He is 10 years older than I am.


He makes me incredibly happy, but can something so long distance last? Can a relationship survive on phone calls, emails, text messages and only being able to see each other once every few months? He's a sweet, loving, caring and genuine guy. Why on earth is he wasting his time on me? I know there are women in his hometown that want to be with him - but he has no interest in them. None. He tells me his heart belongs to me and only me. I trust that he's not out running the streets because I can get ahold of him anytime day or night. I trust him.


Can it work? Or am I leading us both to heartache?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 1:05am

It is a very hard thing to have a long distance A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 3:10am

Thank you very much for your message. I appreciate it.


I guess part of me feels bad by keeping a single guy from possibly finding someone who is available to him already. I have asked him "Why don't you find someone who is available?" and he says "Because I want you". I am skeptical at times about things he says simply because they sound too good to be true. However, he's shown me on more than one occasion that he says what he does and does what he says.


We have already experienced the frustration of not being physically there for one another. He's been going through a lot lately with his business and it hurts me that I can't be there to help him through the hard times. He works damn hard and deserves to be successful.


He's an awesome guy. He really is. I feel like I am sabotaging our relationship by constantly questioning him - I guess I've read enough messages on this board to wonder if he's just full of crap.


I truly believe he's faithful to me - as I can reach him anytime -- day or night. He tells me he doesn't want anyone else and I guess I have to trust him.


How do you deal with the trust side of things? Obviously you HAVE to trust, but does it ever get hard?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 1:38am

Hi wheretogo,


You didn't mention whether you are planning on ending your M.

~vanillabeanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 11:44pm

I do worry that I am leading him on. I know what my heart feels towards AP and our relationship, but I am definitely scared at all that will have to happen in order for us to be together forever. I know that he would uproot his entire life to be with me - he's said as much many, many times. He's looked at houses in my area and even inquired about some jobs he found. I have no doubts that he would relocate. For now, I have asked him to place those plans on hold. I am dealing with a ton of emotions right now and I need to sort through all of them on my own. He's patient and allows me the space that I need. He always tells me he'll wait as long as he has to wait in order to spend the rest of his life with me.


I have told him that I need to figure everything out to insure that I'm NOT leading him on. He simply tells me he loves me and he's waiting for me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 11:55pm
How often do you and Ap get to see each other? Do you talk on the phone daily? How do you maintain the relationship not being able to see each other everyday?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 12:39am
What would your life be like if you left your husband, no boyfriend in the picture? Could you handle it? If you can, then go ahead and dump your husband and proceed. From your writing, it sounds like you want more than an affair. Does the older man want you to be available? Do you know that for sure or are you sugar on the side, and is that ok with you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 1:13am

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am the only one. There is absolutely NO question as to whether I'm his one and only or not. There isn't anyone else in his life. (And while I know men (and women!) lie about things -- I know for sure that he isn't married/with a girlfriend/etc...). I'm not his sugar on the side as you call it.. I'm it for him.


I'm trying to be cautious with giving out info about my husband/marriage for fear someone may stumble on my posts and figure out it is me. Yes, I can imagine my life without dh -- whether there's someone else or not.


And yes, AP wants me to be available. But, he also wants to make sure it isn't done in rash manner where there COULD be regrets from it. Yes, he wants to be with me right now,