Long Distance Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2009
Long Distance Affair
9
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 10:50am
Does everyone here live in the same city/town/area as their AP? I have been in a long distance A for more than 7 years - he is a MM and I am S. I'm looking for commiseration, fellowship and stories - anybody out there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 11:00am
7 years! wow! I am SW with a MM but involved for almost 2 years now.We stay very close,about 15 minutes drive from home and work together.
Tell us more about yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2009
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 11:14am

9 years ago my marriage was shaky but okay. we had 3 growing boys of 11, 9 and 7 and my H got toxic shock syndrome. We had to leave our overseas assignment and our children to get to dialysis and state of the art equipment. H was in a coma for 3 weeks and another two in hospital learning to walk, eat, etc again. Then kids joined us and we tried to settle in to our new lives. But I was in trouble - I think it was really some kind of PTSD. I sought counseling in a bunch of places but no one seemed interested. I turned to alcohol and stayed in a haze - had an affair - but wanted to make the marriage of 15 years work. H had anoxic brain damage, some deficits but mostly ARROGANCE and indifference. I left and started this affair. At the same time, I moved again (H and kids did too, although we did so separately) my dog of 15 years died, got a new job, and had to take my mom off life support. NOT EASY. 2002 sucked for me. But AP is married and stayed where he was. 3 years ago, he moved - now he is "only" 7 hours away by car. My kids are now 21, 19 and 17 while his are 10 and 13. He is awesome - same old deal with his W as everyone else on here lol - but pretty far away. Some days I am fabulous with it, other days I wish he was here. some days i'm jealous of her, some days i pity her. i just put myself through nursing school and graduate next week. I'm proud of who i am (most of the time) but I get lonely too. I wonder if there is any one else who doesn't live near their person? Long distance relationship is hard enough, but long distance affair? Haven't seen any books on it...

Thanks for the forum!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 3:56pm

I don't post much but I am also involved in an long distance A. My A has been going on for 5 years now and honestly the only way I see it ending is with me walking away from him again. We are a 7 hour drive apart, which doesn't give us many opportunities to get together. The distance is hard a lot of the time but I try to keep reminding myself "it is what it is". I just wanted to respond and let you know there is at least one other person involved in an long term,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2009
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 4:02pm
Wow! Thank you! You also live in NC? Is there a way I can private message you my e-mail address so we can correspond? Thank you so much. That helps a lot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 5:46pm

Yes I do live in NC. You should be able to e-mail me through my profile. I think that would be great!!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 6:05pm

I have been in a long distance affair for 7 years also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2009
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 6:07pm

I lived 85 miles away from my AP. I get to see him once a week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2009
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 6:16pm

So at what point does the cost of the A outweigh the benefits? When you're alone all of the time, when you have to interrupt family gatherings to take a phone call, when everyone else has their SO with them and you're alone. Why do you stay? I have tried to walk away but have come back - mine is articulate, thoughtful and complimentary. 7 years younger, he is content with the status quo - but why wouldn't he be? Why is yours/are you?

Thank you so much for sharing. I have been feeling ALL ALONE for so long! It is so nice to know I am NOT crazy - there ARE others "like me". What a relief.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 6:54pm
You are single and he is married.