Long long distance

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Long long distance
3
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 12:35am
I'm married 14 years and we don't have much of a sex life, and we don't pay much attention to each other anymore. His job takes him away 2 weeks out of the month. 4 years ago on a trip to Italy I met a young man from Israel. He was 22 then, I was 39. We only corresponded and talked on the phone. That tapered off after a while, now he is 26 and we started talking again in January. Daily phone conversations, sometimes for hours. Emailing and text messaging too. I'm dying to see him, he wants to see me, we know we'd end up in bed. He's freaked about me being married. I'm not. If we're not in love we're close to it. So I'm freaked out now that we might not see each other, although we have talked about meeting in Italy again. I'm not much into the whole "soulmate" label, but the circumstances under which we met were very unusual, and we're both convinced it's a long shot to call it coincidence. I can't believe I'm in love (or nearly so) with a guy 17 years my junior, and like 8000 miles away.

Please, someone talk to me!!! I'm going a little crazy. I even used an internet florist to send him a rose. And I don't even know how he will react to such a thing! He should be getting it today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 3:41am
Hello Dvashbaby:

Not sure if there are many LDEMA's here (Long distance Extramarital Affairs). I posted a while back about my LDEMA and got no responses so I will talk to you. I have been M for 15 yrs and H does not pay enough attention to me either. I realize that he is just not equipped. My MM is 500 miles away and one year my junior so don't know if I can help.

I tell you, you are lucky that your H is out of town 2 weeks out of a month..wish mine was LOL. I would certainly see my MM more often. We see each other maybe every 3-6 months. It is heartbreaking because we are in love. He recently begged me to come see him yet I am stuck..cannot come up with an excuse to leave town. I am praying that H will take a trip and I will try to see MM. We talk once or twice weekly by phone. We write and send cards to each other too. For us e-mail and his cell phone not an option as his w pays bills. MM calls me long distance via payphone with change or calling card.

I know how you feel being so far away from your man. Its been a year for me and MM (long distance I mean). We met at work and EMA has been going on for close to 3 yrs now and I moved with H dure to promotion and felt that MM was not "seroius" about us..I figured that moving would "end" our affair. Funny, a year ago I thought I could just move on without him but my feelings and his have not changed and have only deepened and strenthened! I cry lots..missing MM and plan to end my M since my heart is not in it. Life is just too short. All I can think about is me and MM. It is so hard being so far away from him. I too feel that I am going crazy..dreaming and daydreaming about seeing him.

I loved your idea of sending him a rose. I bet he will love it. What was the circumstances in how you two met..i am intrigued..if you don't mind sharing of course.

Stay strong. ~Cheetah~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 4:59am
So you've been together with a man that's not equipped for 15 years... you've been in it for one year longer than I. It gets awfully lonely. I understand completely. I guess it's good that my H is gone so much... he is off in Europe while I'm holding down the fort here at home, taking care of our farm animals, running my own business, taking care of home, and raising our youngest daughter. Older daughter is away at college now.

My situation is pretty hopeless, with my younger guy. He's too far away, he'll never leave there for very long, and I'm just plain too much older than him. For now, we're crazy about each other. He's the kindest, most gentle, attentive, reasonable, understanding person... wow. He amazes me every day. But I am so frustrated about it all, that I keep thinking I have to back away to keep from losing my mind! We came so close to meeting up in Italy again, but he's a pretty honorable guy and he wants to respect my marital status. UGGHHH.

As for how we met... hopefully I can make this brief, but I doubt it... sorry! I was traveling with a female friend in Italy. We stopped in a town called Siena, in Tuscany, for the night. We didn't have a room anywhere, so we sat in the Piazza looking at our guidebook and having a cappuccino. There were three young guys sitting next to us, and they started conversing with us. The one sitting next to me was ... incredibly beautiful. Took my breathe away. I couldn't stop looking at him, I was being so foolish!! Anyway, they were all from Israel, and had just gotten out of the army, and were taking a vacation. They suggested a place for us to stay. They told us they were headed north for Florence (we had just left there), and we were headed south, for Orvieto then Rome. As we walked away to book our hotel and left them sitting there, I made a joke and looked my young man in the eye and said "We'll be married one day!". I only knew his first name. So we stayed the night in that town, and they left on the train. I was SO taken by him, I couldn't think of anything else but his face and his voice. Oh my God. Anyway, we walked around for a while, then went into a cathedral (duomo). I put a coin in the donation box and lit a candle and made a wish (childish, huh!). I wished I would see him again. Knowing full well it was completely impossible. 3 days later my friend and I arrived in Rome, and we had a little trouble getting a room, but we settled for one in a convent. Sounds odd, but it was very nice. We walked around a bit and wanted some lunch, so we found a restaurant in the guidebook. A small place, crowded, with 2 floors. They seated us on the 2nd floor. As soon as we sat down, the 3 guys appeared. Do you know how many restaurants there are in ROME???? 3 days later, when they went north and we went south?? Oh my God. Again, same thing, I couldn't take my eyes off him, although my friend sat next to him and engaged him in conversation. He and I just stared at each other... probably weird to everyone else there. She asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he looked at me and said yes, he had one in my hometown, which I had just given him the name of. I almost fell off my chair. I know... sounds goofy, huh. She asked for his phone number and address, and he gave her his. They left, and that was that. So she gave me the card and made a joke about how she would never get in touch with him. I grabbed that card!! When I was on my way home from Rome I had a layover in Atlanta. I called from my hotel room. We became friends instantly and a few phone calls later I told him my story about the candle in Siena. We've been really great friends ever since. Then in January, something just clicked. And we hadn't even spoken for several months.

So, that's my story. Probably just a coincidence. But nevertheless, a pretty cool one!! We use SMS to text message each other for free. To call him, I buy phone cards, they are only 3 cents per minute, and there is no record of the call, it goes through an 800 number. Can you imagine 3 cents a minute all the way to Israel? That's another issue... where he lives. I'm on CNN every day, I have to know what's going on.

So, I guess my A is really just a dream, will never materialize. I talk to him even when my H is home. I just don't care much about that at all. If he asked me today, what I am doing, I'd just tell him, because I WANT him to divorce me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:10pm
Hi dvashbaby:

Wow, what an interesting story...I loved it.. so romantic and magical. The candle is interesting..I read that you should burn a pink candle to bring your loved one to you. I tried it and my MM came within 2 hrs of my town and and I met him and we were able to spend the night ( I said it was an overnight outlet shopping trip with freinds).Crazy, huh?

He sounds so incredibly dreamy !! Believe me, I know that "going crazy" feeling. I hit your profile by accident and saw that you are a Gemini too..another concidence..hee hee. Anyways, I sure hope fate is on your side again with him. If you are meant to be together you will be. (That's what keeps me going). Good that you can talk to him often. Has he ever been to America? I hope you two can hook up. Did he get the rose? I know you must feel it is hopeless yet he did breathe "life" into you..as my MM did...for that I am grateful even if we don't end up together..which I hope we will!! I am praying H gets job in MMs town..if he does then we are meant to be together (am i nuts??).

I am in a funk now cause he is off on vacation with his w and two kids. I was even crying at work yesterday..I just got so sad. He goes every year, springbreak to get kids out of town. I always wonder and worry that he will get closer to his w and forget about me yet it has not happened yet. He did say he wished he could come to my town instead..it made me feel good. He is going to his home town with kids only and will call me from there..of course I can't wait to hear that sexy voice of his! I am trying to go see him yet I cannot think of a good enough excuse yet...H still has not decided to go out of town yet but it would only be for 3 days or so. I need to see MM so much.

Hope you are doing OK and keep me posted. ~Cheetah~