For the long term

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
For the long term
3
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 8:00am
I have been lurking for awhile waiting for the right time to join, I'll share my story and then ask questions.

I'm a MW I've been in this A with MM for 2 years. We have known each other our entire lives. Best friends through out the years, someone I could always count on. We really reconnected about 4 years ago, chatting meeting once in a while for lunch, just stuff friends would do. On night we were chatting on line, and I asked where he thought we'd be had we have gotten married, his reply was together and that's a hell of a lot better than where we are now. (nothing out of the ordnary at home, just s/o that dont notice or dont really care if we're there). The chatts got a bit more flurtie and the lunch dates became 3 or 4 times a week. It was like falling in love with him all over again, only this time, we both knew exactly what we wanted. The Sex was of course amazing, and some how we were pulling off 5 and 6 times a week. We'd talk for hours about how things for us were going to be so much better than what we all ready had.

In the first 6 months, we talked often about getting D's so we could be together, but we both knew we had responsibilites that we were not going to just walk away from. (he comes from a step family and it was rough growing up)

One night at the cabin I said to him let's make a plan, a long trem plan( for us 5- 7 years). It was amazing that we both had the same ideas.

I know there a few of you out there that have a "long term" plan in action.

How is that working out?

do you find that your more settled you dont worry so much?

I feel so secure about where we are, and where things are going, Yes I want things now, but I know that going about things with this plan is the right way ( if there is a right way in an A).

We dont see each other as much now, but I dont panic like i did in the early days.

We respect each others time so much, I dont get up set if he has to cancel plans at the last second (disappointed..yes)He dosent call in a panic if I dont call or e-mail for a few days. It's like we know where we stand and we are both comfortable.

Just wondering how other long timers feel and how things change over the years, do the goals change?

Have you had to Revise the plan?

Thanks for your time,

dayz

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 10:57am
--


Edited 9/20/2004 2:01 pm ET ET by seansluv
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Sat, 11-01-2003 - 9:36pm
I am a MW and have been seeing my MM for 12 yrs.

Original plan - no feelings, no strings, no expectations.

After a few years, we both admitted the truth, we were in love.

We both have children and his youngest will be 18 in about 3-1/2 yrs.

Now, when the kids are adults we plan to be together. We will both end our over 20 yr marriages and have a "normal" relationship together.

Our relationship is as strong as any relationship could possibly be. After 12 yrs. of seeing each other we still can't wait til the next time we can see each other and usually we are together 3 - 4 times a week. He is my lover and my best friend and I love him with all my heart. He is open and honest. I am a very cautious person and it takes a lot for me to trust a man. It took many years for me to let all the walls down but once I did, our relationship became so strong.

Both our marriages are in name only and honestly believe we will be together someday. Although he has told me he will never marry again, just having him un-married is good enough for me!

The best is yet to come!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Sat, 11-01-2003 - 10:09pm
The plan has stayed the same and he always seems to be the same. I'm the one who always seems to have to re-adjust my thought process. I love him and I said I would wait for him, till his kids are grown, but. But, there are times I get in my selfish mode and want him ONLY WITH ME. He puts up with my "events" because he loves me.

We haven't revised it because that's the plan. 3 years counting and that's still how it is.