i think u have to retrain yourself to call someone else when u know he is truly unavailable. it just means u will have more to chat with him about when u do see him. hang in there and go for a bike ride or something! it's time to chat with your girlfriends!!
I know how you feel about wanting to share things i'm the same. When I have news to share the 1st person that comes to mind is AP. The positive side to this is that we always have something to talk about and catch up on everything when we do meet.
I have been learning the past few weekends to keep myself busy with other stuff and have found that I am not thinking about him so much.I think that because of the nature of A's and the unpredicability of them it
I know the frustration of long weekends since OM does this too. It drives me nuts!! I think some of it is because it doesn't seem to bother him and so it often led to squirrel infestations until we finally thrashed it out and found a way to have at least some contact on weekends.
From his point of view, the reason it didn't bother him as much (ie no squirrels) was because he knew he would be contacting me on his first day back. He just focused on that. IF, and the occassional time WHEN, he thought it was over because I'd not replied or we'd had cross words, it bothered him much much more. He then had the male version of squirrels. Male squirrels are, I believe, much tamer! In MY head it was 'the end' just about every weekend because I was never sure if he was actually coming back!!
We women are programmed NOT to chase and I think that's part of why feeling like I was potentially in that situation every weekend created such internal conflict. I HATE being the first to initiate contact - STILL! Lol :-) Bizzarre! Fortunately he is very good at it and after this long its pretty much ironed out.
I also miss him like crazy when we are NC though and I have nothing for you on that one! I still find it very very difficult to drop the mental connection. I've found that acknowledging the initial uneasy feelings when he's gone as just that....'Initial feelings' - they WILL pass; accepting them for the temporary thing they are - again they WILL pass; believing that I WILL speak to him/see him again (LOL) because I and our R have VALUE to him and then doing anything and everything to distract me, helps enormously. Its a process though. The first stages are crucial otherwise I found the distraction bit doesn't work as well. You have to have a certain mindset first. It reduces the paralysing, motivation sapping feelings that prevent the activity needed to enable distraction (hope that makes sense). You should find that eventually less vigorous and more relaxing activities take your mind away from him and the uneasiness settles quicker. A bit of homegrown CBT I think Lol :-)
I think overall the differences in how he and I dealt/deal with it are just an example of how men and women really do think differently. For a long time I perceived it as a reflection of his emotional involvement being 'less'. It wasn't, we just process it differently.
I think you're a bit stuck Jane because your R hasn't got to the stage where you can talk through this stuff with him yet so I'm thinking maybe you also feel a bit alone with the emotional side. I doubt you are though. :-)
I think you're a bit stuck Jane because your R hasn't got to the stage where you can talk through this stuff with him yet so I'm thinking maybe you also feel a bit alone with the emotional side.
Hi jane,
I know how you feel about wanting to share things i'm the same. When I have news to share the 1st person that comes to mind is AP. The positive side to this is that we always have something to talk about and catch up on everything when we do meet.
I have been learning the past few weekends to keep myself busy with other stuff and have found that I am not thinking about him so much.I think that because of the nature of A's and the unpredicability of them it
Hi Jane
I know the frustration of long weekends since OM does this too. It drives me nuts!! I think some of it is because it doesn't seem to bother him and so it often led to squirrel infestations until we finally thrashed it out and found a way to have at least some contact on weekends.
From his point of view, the reason it didn't bother him as much (ie no squirrels) was because he knew he would be contacting me on his first day back. He just focused on that. IF, and the occassional time WHEN, he thought it was over because I'd not replied or we'd had cross words, it bothered him much much more. He then had the male version of squirrels. Male squirrels are, I believe, much tamer! In MY head it was 'the end' just about every weekend because I was never sure if he was actually coming back!!
We women are programmed NOT to chase and I think that's part of why feeling like I was potentially in that situation every weekend created such internal conflict. I HATE being the first to initiate contact - STILL! Lol :-) Bizzarre! Fortunately he is very good at it and after this long its pretty much ironed out.
I also miss him like crazy when we are NC though and I have nothing for you on that one! I still find it very very difficult to drop the mental connection. I've found that acknowledging the initial uneasy feelings when he's gone as just that....'Initial feelings' - they WILL pass; accepting them for the temporary thing they are - again they WILL pass; believing that I WILL speak to him/see him again (LOL) because I and our R have VALUE to him and then doing anything and everything to distract me, helps enormously. Its a process though. The first stages are crucial otherwise I found the distraction bit doesn't work as well. You have to have a certain mindset first. It reduces the paralysing, motivation sapping feelings that prevent the activity needed to enable distraction (hope that makes sense). You should find that eventually less vigorous and more relaxing activities take your mind away from him and the uneasiness settles quicker. A bit of homegrown CBT I think Lol :-)
I think overall the differences in how he and I dealt/deal with it are just an example of how men and women really do think differently. For a long time I perceived it as a reflection of his emotional involvement being 'less'. It wasn't, we just process it differently.
I think you're a bit stuck Jane because your R hasn't got to the stage where you can talk through this stuff with him yet so I'm thinking maybe you also feel a bit alone with the emotional side. I doubt you are though. :-)
Hope it settles down soon
Bird
AP decided he wanted to be able to keep somewhat in touch with me on the weekends, so downloaded a text app that comes with a free text number.
anotherseyes
Hahaha!
You bring up a lot of good points.
I think you're a bit stuck Jane because your R hasn't got to the stage where you can talk through this stuff with him yet so I'm thinking maybe you also feel a bit alone with the emotional side.
Oh, yeah.
My issue is that he doesn't want contact with me on the weekends.