Looking for Tips

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Looking for Tips
3
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 2:40pm
I am hoping that some of you can help me out with some tips on how to not get caught. I am one of the world's most honest people (or was up until about a month ago) and have never been able to lie to my H. I am realizing that if this situation with MM is going to continue, I will probably need to learn to cover my tracks and unforunately lie every once in awhile.

At this point MM and I have mostly only seen each other at work, but people have started talking about how much time we spend together, so we have decided to tone it down there. Which means we will start trying to see each other away from work. We have decided that we need to get out of our general area (he seems to know someone everywhere he goes around here), but I'm not sure how to pull this off. I also have told him that I have no intention of sleeping with him, but I'm concerned that will be mighty difficult once we are no longer at work.

We also have been spending a lot of time emailing each other. He doesn't have IM (yet) so we kind of use Hotmail for that. I am concerned that my H will notice how much time I seem to be spending on the computer. I know I should only do it when he's not home (or when he's asleep) but it's like this addiction I have. If MM happens to be online I can't stop talking to him!

So, any advice from those of you that have been there, or are there right now? What kinds of things should I be sure to do to cover my tracks? Does anybody have a "schedule" of sorts with MM so that you know when he'll be online, or when you can see him, so that you don't take unnecessary chances?

Thanks - and Happy Holidays!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sat, 12-27-2003 - 2:58am


My best advice is pay all bills with cash, cell phones call logs must always be cleared, cell bills are best sent to a PO box so the billing will not fall into hands of the H/W to review and ask questions.

If you think you are doing something that makes people question your relationship then you best stop that action. When confronted never admit to anything then put a spin on the person to why they would even think something like that, you may be amazed of the answer you get back from them.

Have one credit card but have that bill sent to a P O box just in case you would have a emergency and need it while you are together.

The more you do the same place to meet and time the more you take a chance at getting caught. Know all your W/H friends and what they drive if they know you.

Read and delete all e mails and double check that it is not archived somewhere, AOL has what is called a Personal File Cabinet that will save your mail and you will not know about it unless you look. The Personal File Cabinet can be password protected and is a good idea but no matter how romantic keeping emails are it is not in the best interest if you have someone who could be looking at your actions because you add to the risk.

Some chat programs also keep logs Yahoo is one that can trip you up and leave your chat text to be found and read. Use a password protected file to send your e mail in so if the file was missed and left behind by accident at least it can't be opened with out a password.

Set chat times are nice to have but again you set a pattern you set up your self for questions. Also have a no sex gender type of chat buddy name is best not a name like sexybabe69 or MrHotPants or you will be getting people over your shoulder when you least expect it again asking you questions.

Set your computer up so that to come talk with you the H/W do not approach you from behind and you can see them and then Alt Tab a screen up like the weather or a news article you are reading. Also a good idea to be writing a e mail to a natural party like a sister/brother so you can have a reason to be doing all the typing when in fact you are chatting. Have a code set up so you know the person on the other end of the IM is who you want not the H/W of your lover.

I hope this helps I have other advice but this should start the thread to thinking and who knows what we will all learn. I will close in saying the written word will take you down use it with great care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sat, 12-27-2003 - 9:06pm
I just ended my A, but am still friends with him. But the advice I can offer is to:

Be sure you clear your history for internet settings after visiting the boards like these or if your H goes on your computer he can see exactly where you have been showing the title of the threads and all.

Always be sure to delete all emails after sending or receiving them. Check your computer by doing a search on there to make sure all is deleted.


Be very careful!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 11:46am
I am in the same boat right now. My MM drops his kids off at the daycare. There is maybe a five minute difference from when my H leaves and he drops them off. He then parks alittle down the street and he meets me at my house for a few minutes! Or I do all of my shopping on the weekend and always alone, so we try and meet that way, too.But we never park close and never go anywhere but in the cars. We only talk on the computer when it's late or the spouses are not home. Try not to act different, that got me caught the last time. The fun is the risk you are taking to pull it off, but it was a good idea to lay off at work!! I hope this helps alittle. Good luck!!!