Looking for your opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2009
Looking for your opinion
28
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 10:24am

Hello


I am new here. I have been checking out the various posts and find them very interesting. I am in the early stages of having a Affair and am looking to learn/understand more about what I may experience in the future.


First a little about me and how I got here. I am a guy, in my early fortys, I have been married for 9 yrs and have one child who is 8. I am easy going and am often described as a " nice guy". My wife is 9 yrs older than me and is a good caring person at heart. So whats the problem?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 3:01pm

IT,


Hi again.


<>


Perhaps a better word is "consequential" than "difficult."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 3:54pm
d.


Edited 6/17/2009 5:47 pm ET by woodyjohnson
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 11:34pm

Hey you asked me how it turned out, and I didn't want to repeat myself from another recent thread BUT.... for me it did turn out well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2009
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 11:44am

Hi flyingagain


I do not know where rock bottom is in our marriage is for my wife. I would think it is when we get the divorce. I will agree with you that "most" people wished they would have has the " you change or I am gone/having a affair" conversation. Most but not everyone. In all honesty after all that has gone on I dont want to have it, I dont have the desire to have it, I dont want to go through all the work and pain with the hopes of saving our marriage. She was not my dream girl when we got married. Truth be told we should have not gotten married. ( hind site 20/20 ) A mistake made years ago. FYI she decided to get pregnant after we had been dating/living together for about 8 months ( we were NOT married at this time ). Yes I said she "DECIDED" she told me this when she found out she had become pregnant. She did not talk to me about having kids or ask me if I wanted to have a child with her. She just knew I liked her and that there was a connection between us. I married her 2 months after I was told I was going to be a father. I made a mistake then, I did not think it through, I did have strong feelings for her, I did not want to bring a child into this world in unmarried environment even though my judgement was clouded, I knew deep inside there were issues between us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2009
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 12:01pm

Hi Woodyjohnson


Thank you for sharing your story. A lot of what you said is what I think of. I am sure after seeing the various replies to my post you would agree I am unhappy with my marriage and life. I am not a person who planned to have affair on my W. But I have met someone who has gotten my attention in a way that no one else has ever done. I may have "bumped in to my soulmate" I dont know that at this time but I have to find out. I want to have that special person in my life to share things with and in the long run not as a Affair.


I like what your wrote: " Its not sex..... its more. I could just sit by and lean into her every day and be just as happy."

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2009
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 12:09pm

Hello btrue2yrself


I am very happy for you. I wish you well and all the best. It is good to hear that some people make it. That not all A's are just about cheating and self gratification. That some are for true love and happiness. I will think of your story in the future in hopes that it happens for me.


Thank you


IT


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 11:03am

"I am really not here for save my marriage advice." sorry for the in convinience on the board.I really do understand that whenever someone comes on these boards,the first thing to hear is go and fix your M.What some posters dont understand is that we are adults and know what we are doing.
My AP is a MM with small kids and i am a SW.We see each other everyday,just cant stay away,you know;).It wouldnt have worked if it was once in a while or the worst,a LDEMA.MM is working to get out of his M to have a rlr with me,to give our love a chance.

i hope it works out for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2009
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 9:41am

Hi lovingdoll2008


Thnak you for your thoughts

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