Looks -vs- ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Looks -vs- ???
14
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 2:57pm
OK - today at work a few were talking about M's, EMA's, etc... the comment was made that most EMA's start because of physical attraction and personality comes second. And that men will have EMA's with attractive women and then see if they have a personality; women on the other hand, weight looks and personality equal.

So a man won't have an A or even think about an A unless woman is attractive; even though she may be the biggest B-----.

Makes sense but seems a little vain, doesn't it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
In reply to: vles64
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:33pm
I think people who haven't cheated, or who at least act "openly" like they haven't cheated on their perspective spouses say the ole' cliche' "Women need a reason to cheat, and men just need a woman!"

Blah, blah, blah, blah... All people are alike. We all look, some just don't touch.

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: vles64
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:39pm
I don't know, I sort of disagree. I think that the common perception is that men have As with younger/prettier women and women seek out more attentive men, and maybe that has some truth (stereotypes are often grounded in truth, after all.)

But I think it works both ways. I'm sure there are women here having affairs with men they just want to have sex with and the uncomplicated nature of doing so is appealing after the rituals of dealing with husbands. Similarly, I think there are men who are finding out what they thought was important when they were younger (being a raving beauty queen) is not necessarily the things that make a good mate.

I don't think any of us are having affairs with people we don't find attractive. I just think as a matter of course women are a little less shallow than men when picking a mate/affair/fling/whatever.

For the record, I fell very hard for my OW's personality before I really had much of an idea what she looked like. I am very, very attracted to her, but she is not empirically the most attractive woman I've dated; my wife is actually much prettier in a traditional sense. But the bond I have with my OW and the way we share so much of a connection is absolutely the biggest turn on for me.

Just my thoughts.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
In reply to: vles64
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 6:12pm
I think most people stereo-type those in EMA's to begin with -

Most people haven't a clue who is or isn't so most just assume it's some business type shallow man out for a piece of HOT a$$ and some money hungry gold digger homewrecking whore bopping her boss -

I am sure if people knew what I was up to they would be absolutely shocked -

Same thing about MM -

Most people don't realize it can be and IS anyone --

I will admit and so would MM that we initially were not attracted to each other in a

physical way - however now that I know him heart mind body and soul I have found an

attractiveness in him that is absolutely irresistable

My MM in my eyes is gorgeous - and in MM's eyes I am the same

You see in other's what they see in you ---

Kikki



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: vles64
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 7:25pm

I think that most people who don't understand an affair... figure that if you are going to risk a marriage... then you're going to do with a good looking person.


MM and I met online... and we seemed to have some connection before we met.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:28am
EXACTLY!

This it what happened with OW and I. I just read a post of hers at a message board, and something about the sweetness of it, just the open and sincere quality of it made me reply to her. I just felt drawn, I couldn't even explain it now this long after.

I think we're both attractive in our ways and have had our share of admirers. To be honest, I've always dated women a little out of my "class" because I'm a rock and roll star (HA!) and I'm kind of emotional and artsy -- sort of the "bad boy who isn't really bad at all." LOL. No one is crossing the street to talk to me, but I apparently have enough going on not to be a detriment to my personality.

My OW and I fell for each other online, strictly by personality. When I found out what she looked like, I thought she was attractive, but I didn't really get *more* interested because of her looks, and I don't think she did because of mine. I think for us it was more of an "okay, you don't have a horn on your forehead, I can be attracted to you."

I mean, I don't think we're shallow, but a person can have limits, right? No unicorn people, no third eyes?

;)

rain

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 10:40am
I read somewhere that attraction can also come in the form of the sense of smell. I know that seems nutso or maybe not, but I remember being in mm's car (strictly business at that time) and watching him talk and thinking how nice it would be to kiss him, all the time I could smell him and his cologne (not overpowering). Then when things started happening I would love (and still do) to snuggle under his neck and bury my nose there, his natural smell is attractive to me! He has referred to me as "lovely, beautiful, and hot".. and trust me.. he is too!

Now with that said I also have to say he is a very stessed guy with his job, yet he doesn't take it out on his family (unlike my H) and he is smart, funny, and works hard to provide for his family's future... I find those qualities attractive as well

;)

dd

Edited 5/26/2004 10:42 am ET ET by deedee5678


Edited 5/26/2004 10:42 am ET ET by deedee5678

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:29am
I can relate to the smell comment entirely. One night after partying with H, MM, his W and me, H and I got ready to leave. MM very inconspicuously sucked on my left shoulder. He didn't leave a mark, and I didn't think much of it. As I was driving home, I turned my head to the left when changing lanes and caught a whiff of MM's scent on my shoulder. Oh my GAWD! I couldn't get enough! I kept my nose on that spot the entire drive home and knew I had to have him as soon as possible!

Fresh



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:17pm


I met MM online and we spent hours and weeks talking and falling in love before we ever met. Yes, there was some flirting - but I had some major issues going on in my world and he was there for me...I really got to know him by his actions, first.

And when we met, I was flat on my back in five minutes.

(Understand that I had been single and _celibate_ for ten years! I am by _no_ means "easy." ROFL)

So, I don't think it had anything to do with my looks. He hadn't even seen a picture of me, and the one I'd seen of him was taken when he weighed about 50 pounds more than he does now.

Nope...Each A is different. The reasons for having an A are different. And depending on the reasons for starting an affair, the relationships and its possible outcomes are different.

IMHO, of course.

Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 10:51pm
This is a good thread, interesting to see everyone elses take on the subject. When MM and I were getting to know each other pre-affair (we worked together and sat next to each other), we would often work late and talk about our lives, our home situation, etc. We became good friends, but there was also a spark right from the beginning. One morning I came into work, opened my desk drawer and found a note from him saying how much he enjoyed our chat from the night before. He also wrote that I was a "delightful woman, who had the 3 'B's in spades."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but couldn't figure out what the hell he meant by 3'B's (kept thinking maybe big boobs, bod)?? LOL...Anyway I finally asked him, and he told me it was beauty, brains and body (ahhh, such a nice thing to hear)!!

But honestly, it was his downright friendship and the ease with which we could communicate that first got to me. I must admit though that his handsome looks made it easier, as well (he is gorgeous to me).

Nice trip down memory lane, thanks V-

Virgogirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
In reply to: vles64
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:25am
I am sitting at my computer trying not to laugh too loud. The SMELL thing has me cracking up! I adore my MM's smell. When we're together I always tell him how much I LOVE his smell and bury my nose under his head and in his arms. I cannot get enough of it!!! When my DH is out-of-town I don't shower so I can smell him on me for the night. Is that totally gross? It's his manly smell or something... The first time I noticed it on me I kept smelling my arms like I was a 14 yr old boy! lol ;)

My husband doesn't have that smell that I'm attracted to.

Do ya'll relate, or am I just being weird?

jen

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