Loosing Cheating Husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Loosing Cheating Husband
2
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 5:52am
Advice Please!

Just found out 11 days ago that my husband of 6 years has been cheating on me for 7 months. I am truly in love with him and devestated about the whole thing. His aunt is the one who told me about them. When I confronted him he still denied it. I then found her number on his cell phone bill and called her. It was true. She has two boys and lives 200 miles away. My husband travels daily to work and has been staying so I thought with his uncle or in a hotel. Now all the puzzle peices are finally fitting together. I have had an idea that there has been something going on, but every time I asked him of course he denied it. Saying, Ya, right. That's you just thinking that. So now that I know, everything comes out about how he has been unhappy for four years, hasn't loved me for two years, and that he is not sexually attracted to me anymore, and wants a divorce. I want to save my marriage, but how can I save it when he doesn't even want to try. I mean try nothing. No counceling, no anything. He sais he loves her and does not want me. He said he has already tried to save the marriage and that hes done trying.

--Posted by carriebee, WA

05:19AM EST 09/23/03

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 5:57am
Good morning, Carrie.

You probably need to post at the Betrayed Spouse board here at iV rather than this one. This board is geared more towards people who are in affairs and dealing with the situations around that.

It sounds like your H has already left, so I'm not sure there's anything left for you to save. And if it's been like that for four years, are you sure you want to save it? Are you in love with him, or just the image of him and the life you had? Because I would think it would be hard to truly maintain a happy M if for four years he's decided this isn't what he wants, and you've suspected him of cheating anyway.

I hope you find the support you desire. Check out the BS board - I'm sure they will offer all kinds of advice and ideas.

Good luck,

lily

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 11:42am
Hi Carrie, I have no idea why I am compeled to put my 2 cents in here but I am. I'm married and have been for 11 years. My H lost interest in sex several years ago. I found myself becoming more and more depressed and down on my self. I'm not saying that my EMA that I've been involved in for the last year is right. But, it has been a good thing for me. Anyway, enough about me! As far as your h having a EMA, I'm sorry for the pain that you are going through. D is truly a painful and a learning experience. Sometimes it helps us to find what is really important to us, instead of living life for our other halfs. Trust me, I"ve been thru this with a previous marriage and at the time I thought my world was ending. I lost 40lbs and I only weighed 120 at the time of it all happening. I was a mess! But, do you know what! As weird as it sounds it's the best thing that could have happened to me. It forced me to get back to ME. There are other men out there. One that will love and cherish you for who you are. I don't know if you have any children but if you do, think of them too right now. Cherish, love and give them as much support as you can. AS far as you H, he sounds like a real monkey's A%^. Print out driving instuction to the nearest lake and tell him to jump:) I wish you luck! I know it's tough but you'll get thru this, I promise. NMr