Losing my mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Losing my mind
4
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:26am

Hello just me again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 1:47pm

Hi,

I am really sorry that you are struggling with this. No one needs to go through this kind of pain and turmoil in their lives. It's important to remember, I think, that it was created by our own doing.

That said,

Is your AP M?
If so, is he ready to leave his W?

I moved out of my home 2 1/2 years ago, but have remained M to my DW. I guess i thought that if I put some distance in my M, the A would be easier to carry on...or that the guilt might be lessened. As I sit here and reflect on it today, I know that it hasn't. I haven't been a good H to my W; or a good father to my son. I know that my M needs to end and allow my W to find someone in her life that will be faithful and treat her with the respect that she deserves. I know that I haven't. That said, I know that I am scared to be the one to do that. It's hard to bring hurt to someone else, but didn't we already do that when we started the A?

The only advice I can give you is to take time for yourself so that you can dig deep and understand what you want and need. Even though the pain is so strong, there is something important to learn; especially if you've had other As.

From what I read, it seems that you know your M is over, that you want out, but that you want your H to decide. Is that possible?

Good luck to you. I hope you can find a way to let yourself be at peace...you deserve it.

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 8:41pm

Hi there and thank you very much for replying to my post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:22pm

Im sorry that you in so much turmoil HIME. I understand the pain you are feeling while you know you are hurting your H, but if you make the decision to finally leave, your H can then begin to get over you and the loss of the future with you. While you are still in limbo he has a grain of hope that you will still be together. If you want to leave although you will be hurting a lot of people, isnt it better to rip that band-aid off and allow everyone to come to accept your decision. The indecision is the killer here. Staying when you dont want to is causing you grief, but also knowing that your heart isnt in the M is causing your H pain that can be alleviated by letting go so he can move on.

I wish you all the best for whatever you decide.

SB.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 7:34pm

I just want you to know that I TOTALLY agree with everything Que Sera Sera said.