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| Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:47pm |
For anyone who red my message last week, when MM was off and didn't call not even on my b-day. Well, he was back yesterday, and didn't even mention or apoligized for not calling. He just asked how my b-day was, and didn't say much. I kept cold and distant because i'm still upset. Than all day he didn't call me or i called him. Today he called and left me a message, just saying hi. I called 4 hours later, and he sounded happy to hear my voice. Then he called just before i left work, just to say good night. Everything seems different with him, i feel he's not into me as he used to be. Our conversations are not as close and intimate as it used to be, it's so formal now. So i decided to call him at work as i driving home and all i asked him was for him to call me tomorrow, i told him we need to talk, that there were somethings that were bothering me, he said sure. So now he's going to call me tomorrow, but my problem is, i'm not sure what i'm going to say to him. I don't want to be all needy and upset, i want to get his interest again, but i don't want to be pushy and naggy about it. I do i get his attention again, and make him ask me to see him again? Please give any suggestions, i'm so desperate for help. Thank you.

opus
"Talking" or "the talk" is not unloading or nagging. Its communicating you feelings constructively so that the other person knows what your expectations really are. When you are in any kind of R talking or communicating your feelings, your expectations and thoughts is a must. Lack of communication can bring about misunderstandings, missed oppurtunites and feeling of alienation. I don't think its good avoid talking because you never know what the other person is thinking. You can only GUESS, and hope its right one. I hope your MM realizes that sooner or later....
You asked him if HE needed space. But what you should have done, for your own sake, is to TELL him how YOU feel....as opposed to ASKING him HE feels. Besides, this will actually help you to look less needy. Imagine the following two scenarios:
"MM, do you need me to give you some space...?"
"MM, I feel as if we haven't been connecting lately, and that makes me feel kind of bad."
You tell me: WHICH ONE SEEMS MORE NEEDY????
If you want to see him, TELL HIM you want to see him, as opposed to ASKING him if he wants to see you: "MM, I would really like to see you. How about next week?" If you ASK him, "MM, do you have time to see me?" or "MM, don;t you want to see me?" you will sound needy.
See what I mean?