Lousy Convo with MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Lousy Convo with MM
3
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:20pm
MM has been great and we have been talking and emailing like crazy! We always have NC on the weekends so I always try to leave Friday afternoons on a real positive. So Mm called me on his way home and he was busting on me a bit more than usual. Then he said something negative about my M. He also said something like "if we were married we'd kill each other" . I couldn't help myself and I said that I really didn't appreciate him criticizing my M. (BTW we are F/wb and will never be more). I said I think b/c of the nature of our relationship it would be best to keep all negative comments to ourselves (I wanted to say I NEVER want to hear anything about you M good or bad). He apologized and agreed. But then he said he wasn't really serious and sometimes he feels like he has to tiptoe around me. I just said nothing. He was then making jokes and said I am just trying to break the tension here. Things ended fine but I feel like crap. I know I am going to think about this all weekend and tonight I am supposed to have a night out with H which I need to do. I have been putting way too much thought into this A and I need to concentrate a bit on my M. I know I am reading into things. I want to email him but I should probably just let it go!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 5:21pm
Nothing wrong with telling him that you two need to keep the comments negative comments about the other's marriages or spouses to yourself. When MM tells me how his W acts, I would love to say, "What a b!tch, she has no idea what a wonderful guy she has." Instead, I listen and tell him I'm sorry he had a stressful night because they fought, etc. I feel the same way about my H, while the marriage is over for a long time, I don't want MM to say bad things about him. Once he said "the man is an idiot" and it bothered me. MM is right of course, but he is still my H.

Don't worry briatan, you MM has probably forgotten about it. Let it go and just enjoy your weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 5:22pm
OUCH...I hate those bad conversations. Try not to worry so much about what he said, I personally think he said it out of frustration. I sometimes make comments out of frustration to try and make myself feel better. He shouldn't have said those comments, but EMA's are pretty stressful (especially when deep feelings are involved) that we tend to come up with negative thoughts every now and again to try and slap reality into ourselves.

You sound like me when you made the comment about working on your M. Although I am not in love with my H, I love him dearly as a friend and I am trying to make the most of our M. It hurts to think that my MM and I may never be together but I realize that I don't have it so bad at home. If anything, I feel that it helps me appreciate both relationships for what they are. It's just that we have to get used to those random feeling of desparation, sadness, etc. when we realize that we may never be able to share a permanent life with our MM.

Enjoy your weekend and try to forget about the comments. Just concentrate on his realization that he shouldn't have said it and his attempt to make it up to you at the end of the conversation:-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:11pm
Thanks so much torngal and Sweet! MM has actually been emailing me all night (just light stuff) and I actually had a really nice night with H. How F***** up is that! Torn, I agree and am trying to make the most out of my M. Plus I can't keep MM off my mind! I am going to do just that and enjoy my weekend!

Hugs and a big thanks to you both!