In Love With a Married Man
Find a Conversation
In Love With a Married Man
| Tue, 07-15-2003 - 8:34pm |
I've been involved with a married man for over a year and a half. I've never did anything like this before. In the beginning of our relationship it wasn't so hard. However, as time has gone by I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with. This person is somebody that I have know for over ten years. He's not a player or a louse. He tells me he can't leave right now because of his obligations to his children. The round about time frame I got was five years. I can't see myself dealing with this situation for five years. He's everything in a man I've always wanted however he's already taken. I know how he's treated by his wife because I have witnessed it myself when we just friends. What I don't get is how women leave unhappy marriages with their children and go on with their lives. Why is it men use the children or financial reasons as an excuse not to leave or buy time? If they don't have the guts to go on and find their happiness, why get involved with somebody else. I'm at a crossroad, I'm not dense and know the deal but I'm finding it hard to let this person go. Any positive feedback would be appreciated.

Pages
Also sometimes, people, men and women, find someone else to fulfill their needs while they are still married, it happens. I was in your position once as the OW, and he stayed with his W and his child, after promising me the world. This was before I met my present H, when I was separated from my exH. The relationship that I had with him thankfully didn't last long, he was foolish, and his W found out a month into it, so we went our separate ways. I don't know how to tell you to let go, it is hard in any situation when you have feelings for someone. But you need to do what is right for you, and you deserve to be first in someone's life. If not your MM's life, then someone else.
After reading this over again, I hope I do not come off as sounding harsh, just know that there are people here who understand your position.
Hugs,
itty
You're right where I am right not, I can't wait for my MM forever. I have given him an ultimatum, And he didn't take it so well, we have been involved for 17 months, and I'm not going to just have this a until someone finds out. I mean how long do most EMA's last? I think 17 months is long enough for him to know whether he wants me.. or he wants his W. He has promised me the world, and even asked me to marry him. The passion we share is exciting, and unlike any other relationship I've ever been involved with.
I want my MM all to myself and but most of all I want it to be his decision, and I don't want him to leave and one day regret and blame me in anyway.
So right now me and OM aren't talking hes actually very angry at me.. so I'm trying my hardest to not call him, and let him sort out all of his thoughts and hopefully he'll want me in the end.. if not, I'll live.. I think! LOL
=)
I wish you the best and there is no reason for him to be angry...he needs to put himself in your shoes...I tell that to mine all the time. How often do you see him??
Im just not the type of person to be the other woman and waiting on a man...but I also do not want to be pushy and smother him also...its tough...not easy...
but like the saying goes you do your bed you ly in it...
and what my MM has told my g/f a man goes as far as a woman lets him...and if he is comfortable with the situation and you accept it then thats the way it will be...I mean I know he gives this advise out then I think well damn..I'm letting him get away too...I dont know if I make much sense...but I do wish you the best.
80% have affairs
Infatuation last on average 18 months
Affairs rarely last past 3 years
5% of affairs that are discovered continue into succesfull relationships
Women generally (this is a generalization) have affairs because they are not fulfilled and are looking for somebody to save them
Men have affairs because they do not get enough attention at home and want somebody that makes them feel good.
Most people in EMAs use their children as an excuse because if they told the OM/W they are not leaving their spouse because they love them they think their EMA will end.
There is alot of research about affairs you should investigate.
Your MM only shares the negative aspects of his wife to you because if he came to you and raved about all the wonderful things he won't get laid.
You are in a relationship that has a 5% chance of actually working.
Why do you girls allow men to use you like this?
They view their spouses as paychecks, a marriage is not based on duty but on love. Alot of people use marriage as a tool against their partner. Our relationship is not based on getting laid but having compassion, communication, kindness all the ingredients that are the bases for a healthy relationship. It's bad timing, what can I say. One thing I can say about him he doesn't talk bad about her only the pressure of being trapped and treated in a certain manner which is difficult. I know what he's talking about because I've been there. You dread going home, you don't want the person chipping away at you to the point where you forget who you really are and what you have to offer in life.
I wanted to offer a few ideas:
I believe that most people enter affairs because something is fundamentally wrong with their marriages. I truly do not believe that happily married people have affairs. I believe that your reasons are correct. The only thing I would say differently would be to blend your reasons into one unisex reason. People have affairs because they are unfulfilled, looking to be saved, and don't get enough attention at home. At least that is the case in my A.
I also agree with you that children can be an excuse as to why the MM/MW stays in the M. I also think that it may be easier to stay in the M than to get D. There are a whole host of other reasons, such as relationships with inlaws, friends that would be lost, houses, cars, money, and yes, love and caring for the spouse. Kids offer an out. I mean who can argue with that?? Not all MM offer an excuse. Some just say " I am not leaving my W". Mine did and I am ok with that. I am not leaving my H either.
Not all MM speak badly of their Ws. My MM rarely speaks of his. When he does, it is usually just reference to "we did this or that, etc" I wouldn't allow him to trash her to me. He went there once when he was angry with her. I asked that he stop and he did. Never repeated it again. Same with me and my H. Never speak of him to MM, badly or otherwise.
As for being a "girl", thanks for the compliment, but I am a forty-something professional woman. Unfortunately, the "girl" is long gone.
As for being "used", I guess we are using each other to fulfill a desire.
JMHO
RH
Take care and write back soon.
Hugs,
itty
Pages