Loved by 3 - How to choose

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Loved by 3 - How to choose
2
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 10:42pm

I am in a new town with no close friends, and my life is a mess. I don't know which end is up. This is long, so bear with me.


To start a long story, my husband of 20 years, we'll call him Husband,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 1:46am

Angel, i sympathize with your current situation. To agonize over whether to take up with one man wasnt enough, you have 3 and there is always going to be the "what ifs". My thoughts would be to break it down to whomever gives you the most happiness in your heart. Money comes and goes, there will always be disagreements in any marriage big or small, but feeling loved and giving that love in return is the major thing that we all want for the rest of our lives.

Husband- if you do not feel those things such as love and affection for him before and your son is the only draw card how much could you stand before you have to leave him and do the break up again- youve been there done that. As much as he wants you back, it may hurt him more to rehash that relationship.

Proposed- left for business purposes and it looks like the only reason you couldnt work things out with him was because of long distance and missing your children. He may have had relationships in between then and now, but so did you. He wants to be with you, is financially sound, unattached and you have those feelings for him you know are important to keep a relationship together.

Heart- Not divorced, never will be, to me means that he will never fully be "yours" I would resent living with a man long term who is already married- whether she knows about me or not. If he loved you and was committed to you, then a divorce would obvious. The age difference is not an issue as we could all die in a car accident tomorrow. You do not have the feelings of deep love for him, more that you are worried that he cannot live without you. A good relationship is one that two people CAN survive apart-they just do not want to.

I would think long and hard about what you value in your life. Love, money or security as all 3 are offering different ways to live out your future.
Good luck in your decision what ever way you choose.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 8:22am

Which one do you love the most? Which one would it pain you the most to be away from you forever? Which one can you just NOT picture a future without?

It's obviously not Husband. You've made it quite clear that all romantic feelings for him are gone.

So I would think about the other two. IF it turns out to be Heart that you really want, (and is it a subconscious message that you chose the name "Heart" for him? Does he have yours?), then you have to make it clear to him that he has to get divorced, and you have to believe that he will.

If you think it's Proposed, I would take it slower than he wants to take it. I don't think, from what you've said, that you should uproot your life just yet and become dependent on him. That would take away your choice to leave, so you'd better be sure it's right before you jump in there.

The answer COULD be that none of these guys are right for you. Think about it. If that's the case, then wait for the RIGHT guy.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I