Loving H but In-love w/OM
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Loving H but In-love w/OM
| Mon, 02-23-2004 - 10:30am |
Hi..I used to post here all the time but I have only been lurking for awhile..but now I really need some help..I met OM about a month ago..and we have fallen sooo head over heals for eachother..we live about an hour apart but I go down to see him every Friday and I stay until Sunday..we cry when I have to leave on Sundays..its soooo sad..I have been with my H for six years..we got married at 19 and we are both 23..my H is sooo in-love with me..I on the other hand I love him with all my heart and soul but im no longer in-love with him..I left him about a week and a half ago..I told him I needed some time to think about my life and what I want out of it..he has been begging me back saying he will do anything to make our marriage work..I don't know what to do..I feel like crying all the time all I want to do is sleep..I miss my H soooo much..but can I really stay in a marriage where I hate to have sex with him? but Im scared if I leave I will never find anyone who treats me like he does...I mean..dang..the man runs my bath water every single morning for me..also I can't really figure out why Im leaving..I try and tell myself that Im leaving for me..but on the other hand I really really like OM..so, would I have ever left if I had not met him? And its not like he is the first person I have cheated on H with..I have been with three other men..something is missing out of my marriage that I have been going looking for..we have no kids..so this is why Im doing it now..so I wont be going though a mid life crisis when im 40 with three kids because I never got to have the fun dating life..they are both really great guys..I mean..this weekend OM got up in the morning and made me chocolate covered strawberries!! he tells me he is falling in love with me..and that he wants to be with me...and I sit and try to find things wrong with him so I can have an accuse to leave because Im scared I will regret leaving H in the long run because he is such a great guy..who would move the world if I asked him to..I'm even so messed up that I can't tell if Im listening to my heart or my head..so..should I keep with the leaving or go through with a divorce..Sorry for rambleing..Im just really scared and lonely..Thanks..little

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Your H sounds like a very sweet man. Leave him, he will heal, but won't heal while you consistently cheat on him.
Life
hi littlesecret.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
And what you said about do all relationships get to this point where you just want to sneak into bed and not have sex?
Well honey, that's where alot of A's come into play right? That's where alot of us here have taken over, is after the W turns H down regularly for sex. It sounds like you are getting yourself into a vicious circle, where you are turning to another man, how soon before H turns to another woman for the sex you will no longer have with him?
Do you really want to live that way while you are still so young? It seems such a waste, you deserve to be happy. You really need to figure out why you feel this way about H. And if there's any hope there, or not.
Good luck to you.
19 is way to young to marry . I did the same mistake married at the age of 18 and by the time I hit 23 , what I wanted from life was different from when I was 19 .
Yeah at 19 I thought I knew it all , now at the age of 40 looking back , I only wished I had someone to guide me .
By age of 25 I was divorced , but with a kid which made things so much harder . You don't have kids get out while you don't .
Your H sounds like a great guy ....but no that isn't enough. if being a great guy was enough I would have already been married again . If sex is important for you then no you can't stay with him and keep cheating on your H it isn't fair to him .
Yes your H will hurt for awhile , but time will heal and when he finds someone who loves him and adores him back he will get over you . Of course for now he can't see it , because now he is in love with you .later he will thank you .
But your reasons for leaving H should be because YOU are not happy , not because of OM .
If things later don't work out with OM , you shouldn't be sorry you left H .
So think hard , and if you truly feel you can't stay with H ( not because of any other man ) then leave H and remember there is always a bigger picture .
I still think that even at 23 you are too young to be in a serious relationship. If I could have done it all over again I wouldn't have gotten married before the age of 30.
Before 30 my ideas and thoughts about life kept changing . By 30 I knew what I wanted and since then it hasn't changed . I think if people would wait longer to marry and really marry for the right reasons , M's would last longer and they would be happy M's .
How many times I hear over and over from people ......."well I got married because I thought it was the right thing to do" , "well he is a great guy ", "she is a nice person", " I was looking for financial support" " She is pretty"
Well we all make mistakes , but it is a matter of correcting them when we do figure out that we made a mistake .
I too married for the wrong reasons . I lost my family I had no one so I thought , ok I should marry and make a family of my own ....big mistake , so when I figured that out I left . Yeah it was hard at the time , but now 15 years later I see it was the best choice I could have made in life . If I was still married I would have been very unhappy and older . I got out while I was still young and had opportunities to build for myself a better and happier life .
and even though life has it's ups and downs ......like now I am a bit down because MM wants NC and I miss him ......even with all that my life is still much better .
At least MM helped me get my Ex Fiancée out of my mind ..........so yes good can also come from something that can also feel bad.
Good luck to you , Hugs Viper
xoxo ViperDiva
I was married young also, 20, and you are way too young to know what you want in life, long term. And like you said, before you know it you have a child, you are pretty well tied down.
These young women with no children have a real opportunity here to make positive changes to their lives before it is TOO LATE.
Man, if I could be 20 again, my life would have been totally different!! We can only wish.
Oh well, in my next life ...
Dusty
Have you been in T for the damage caused by the sex abuse, You seem to be fairly classic of women that have been abused not able to maintain a healthy relationship.
Stop looking at your Marriage for the problem and start looking closer to home, before this ruins your life.
Free
I would strongly suggest you look into it. These issues will not just go away without getting some help for them. It's like a locked up chain wrapped around you, you have to find the key and unchain yourself.
Dusty
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