Lurker of board with a story to tell
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Lurker of board with a story to tell
| Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:07pm |
I have lurked around this board for over 2 years now. Became the OW whom by the way is also M. MM and I have had an ongoing relationship, emails daily, except for the short time when he changed jobs and didn't have access to get in touch with me. I had thought it was over until one day in April when I opened me mail to a pleasant surprise email from him. Since then it all has been rekindled stronger than ever.
I have known for a long time that I love him to death. Recently let him know that his being married can't stop that feeling. And now, today, a good friend that I used to work with came into work. We got to talking and come to find out she works at the same place with him and they frequently talk about how their life is going. She told me about some things he has said about how unhappy he is with his wife, and that he has a friend who he thinks the world of. Went on to say how she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met and how much he cares for her. I really never knew he felt so strongly about me as I feel for him. I have nothing to lose if I left my husband but he has everything to lose in a financial respect. His W makes a ton of money, while he makes your average middle class income. And because his W makes a ton of money, she spends a ton too and have them way far in debt. If he left her he would be faced with half that debt. And he let my friend know that if it weren't for that aspect he would have left a long time ago.
So where am I going with this???....Well just feeling a little sad that we can't be together all the time, and on the other hand feeling elated knowing he cares so much for me.
I have known for a long time that I love him to death. Recently let him know that his being married can't stop that feeling. And now, today, a good friend that I used to work with came into work. We got to talking and come to find out she works at the same place with him and they frequently talk about how their life is going. She told me about some things he has said about how unhappy he is with his wife, and that he has a friend who he thinks the world of. Went on to say how she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met and how much he cares for her. I really never knew he felt so strongly about me as I feel for him. I have nothing to lose if I left my husband but he has everything to lose in a financial respect. His W makes a ton of money, while he makes your average middle class income. And because his W makes a ton of money, she spends a ton too and have them way far in debt. If he left her he would be faced with half that debt. And he let my friend know that if it weren't for that aspect he would have left a long time ago.
So where am I going with this???....Well just feeling a little sad that we can't be together all the time, and on the other hand feeling elated knowing he cares so much for me.

Its nice to hear that you know how your MM feels about you.. I have read alot of posts here that say how little men are willing to let their feelings out.
All I can say since I am pretty new to an EMA ( only 3 months) is that I have learned to take thngs one day at a time...
sorry I was not alot of help..I am sure that you will get some very good advice here. Alot of the people here have alot to offer in the way of words of wisdom
Good luck
SB
Seeburg
aren't you happy to know, from a third party yet, how MM feels about you? just like you feel about him?? a little affirmation doesn't hurt.
take it slow with this R. you are both married and really haven't expressed your true feelings for each other, other than what you've posted here. you can't decide the course of your future and his by those short interactions. there has to be some serious face-to-face talking going on between you two.
money isn't everything and MM doesn't have to get "stuck" with half the debt if his W makes way more money than he does. it's pretty cut and dried nowadays that assets, as well as liabilities, are split on a percentage basis according to how much each party in the M makes. so she would probably end up with the majority of that debt. but there's no doubt the decrease in finances is often enough to deter 75% of married people not to leave.
if you are really, really sure you love this man and want to end your marriage, after the holidays, sit down with him and let him know you want a future with him and are willing to discuss routes to get to that future with him. see what happens then and you'll have some of the answers you need and a basis for further discussion with MM. you won't solve all the issues right away, but you two can take the first steps toward an understanding.
good luck,
gurl