Lurker, need to talk and your thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2009
Lurker, need to talk and your thoughts
13
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 8:15pm

I have been lurking for about a month now, still trying to learn all the lingo on this board!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 9:04pm

Truly, not, you are in lust. Know that for what it is. Experience the thrill that it brings, the passion that it engenders. Feel the "alive." But don't mistake it for love.

Read through the thousands of posts here that speak to how exhilarating it is to be "in love" with a new AP, how much it takes your breath away, how much it allows you to forget your responsibilities at home, and how it can (and will) blind you to what is really happening. The fact that you are in the midst of what is truly an "adolescent" misunderstanding, an April Fools prank, should tell you something. You guys are a long, long way from real compatibility.

Don't even go to the places you are thinking. Your marriage may be dull, very routine, not what you expected, but to consider jettisoning it based on a couple of weeks of intense passion, is very dangerous, as whatever you might think you could have with your AP would wilt under the light of an everyday relationship. You have too much too lose, as does your AP. This is momentary. A fling. Try to find some perspective, and do not attempt to make any life-changing decisions whilst in the throes of this erotically charged hurricane.

This is all about lust, and all about catching up on what you have missed. If your marriage is that bad, either find a way to fix it, or find a way to exit. Don't attempt another relationship until you have resolved the one you are in.

Yes, trust your gut that this adolescent blip is a blessing in disguise. That is about the only feeling that truly resonates here.

Lazy:)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 10:06pm
Hi Best:). Since you are fence sitting as you say, I would read through the threads on this board and see what awaits. Speaking from personal experience, it is an addiction and lust with AP's not love at all honey. It could be when you called him on that April Fool's joke that he maybe "woke up". The EAS board has great reads on there too to another perspective on things. Also if your DH found out, all h#ll could break loose. I wish you well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2009
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 10:24pm

Thank you for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 11:38am

Your second paragraph of the first posting sounded just like me. Im stuck in a rut. Im not happy. But I am secure to a certain extent,as dh owes alot of money. Most of which I didnt know about, and still dont know how much.


I havnt actually had an affair. But as the other posters have said.. fallen in lust with someone 15 years my junior. We were introduced by my freind of 22 years. And I instantly had an attraction to him. Unfortunatly for me hes bisexual. Not that would hold him back I dont think. But it has its problems that I am well aware of. The past month or so we have been really flirting, to the point of me being fit to burst. And for the first time ever Ive lied about where I am going. And I am going to meet him and go to his freinds house with him. I am fully aware that nothing might happen at all. And just being in the same room as him is 50% fullfilling me at the moment. The other 50% is mixed emotions about my marriage,about him being bisexual, and does he want me as bad as I do him. Its been hard today not texting him. Although I asked a question this morning and then said Id leave him be today. And he said ok my lovley see you tomorrow. Its hard i know..


Sorry Ive gone completly off your story line..


Id give him a chance. He might be a little pissed at you for playing a joke.. He'll come running soon enough if he wants you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 12:25pm

I have been where you are from the actively looking for an AP to the crushing blow of the "break up".

You are are in lust. When you can say that you would be without make up, your best clothes and you might consider passing gas in the restroom, maybe you will be in love. But you said it yourself...you show this man only the best side of you, trust me when I tell you he does the same with you.

Sigh, yes I know you wanted to hear differently.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 2:44pm

short hijack: Lazy and Shad in the same post? it must be time travel.

for notthebest:

there is lust, there is being in love and there is being in love with being in love. i think Shad said it well - until you share the warty part of yourselves, it can't be love. being in love with being in love covers more than lust, more than the sexual feeling.

don't leave your marriage for him. not now or later. if you want to leave, do it because the marriage doesn't work and you want to be your own person. in the meantime, be realistic that being in love feels great even if it's not yet love.

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 7:43am

as you read these responses, do keep in mind they are OPINIONS. although stated as if the poster has access to the minute details of what your AP is thinking, no one really knows but you.

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 5:08pm
The one thing that you said in your post that spoke volumes was how you would never be with out make up, or your best outfits. How he does not know you oddities. In my opinion that is not love. If you love some one and they love you, you should be who you really are all the time. No need for false fronts. Not that there is anything wrong with putting your best foot forward. I know I love to see my BF's face light up when I am dressed up from work. I also know that I caught him looking at me this morning when I had not make-up on , in a tattered robe with te same look on his face. I agree with Lazy, you are missing something from your M, but your M has somethings your A does not.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 12:42am

That is such a sweet post about your BF.

My lover said to me earlier that he had been looking at some of
my photos and I have different looks at different times..he said
I have seen your three looks:

the photo look (going out look)
the fresh faced look (no make up at 7 am in bed with him)

and the look I have when we make love--the look that ended with tears
the other day I was so overcome with emotion.

he said that is the look he that he cant take his eyes off of.

We in love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 12:05pm

you must be beautiful.

Mrs.

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