M reality vs. A reality
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M reality vs. A reality
| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:25pm |
I think I am starting to fall for my MM; however, I am very much aware how affair reality differs so much from marriage reality. So I wouldn't really call it "love".
For instance, there's so many things I don't have to deal with when not married to MM. MM comes from a dysfunctional family. I don't have to deal with that except comfort MM when he needs to talk.
MM recently got himself into a little trouble (nothing immoral, but it is costing him $$). I have been totally supportive of him. Would I be the same if married? Probably not.
We may only get the "crumbs" so-to-speak, but we also don't have to deal with the bull$&#* on an everyday basis.
I think being in an A can cloud your judgement about who a person really is. Even more than dating a person, they only put on their best when with you.

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Most women who have affairs and who are very much in love with their OM and MM, want more than the man can give them. The women get jealous of the time spent with the married man's family. They sit around waiting for a phone call, for the MM can only give so much time to his lover. I could go on and on.
Being married has it's problems also. But one doesn't have to feel guilty or hurt their families. Being married means a couple can plan ahead and create a family and a home. They can make a lasting bond. They always have a mate and family to come home to.
Being in an affair isn't any picnic.
But it's this need for passion, and romance, and that feeling you had as a teenager in love for the first time. That's what driving my attraction to my lover. Anf I know how immature it is, and how much damage can be caused for a fairy-tale quest for happily-ever-after. But I feel like I need this, I need to feel desired, and connected, and alive.
I have to say... I totally agree!!!
After 4 years... I know that I have feelings for MM... I know that I care... and I can even say yes! I do love him... but as for being IN love with him... no! because in fact... I don't really know him... I only know but one part of him... the part that is seperate from the pressures of every day life... a piece that most often than not... I don't get to deal with all the crap that comes with living with someone.
I also totally agree that an affair can cloud your judgement... one reason I would never and I mean never! walk from my marriage for another person... and never straight into another relationship.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I would love to have more from my MM than I have. But I'm not really "jealous" of the time he spends with his family. Er, his wife (they don't have kids).
I do wait for phone calls, etc. However, I don't beat myself up for it. I've always been a very independent person. I have my own hobbies and interests. I try not to let the A consume me. It did in the beginning, and sometimes still does. But more and more, I'm trying to keep a level head through this.
I guess I'm a little afraid of what would happen if he does decide to leave his W. Because reality probably is different than the fantasy world I've created. I imagine us traveling the world, talking and snuggling and having sex, all the good stuff. But what about dividing chores? Dealing with him going out with friends until late? His crazy family? With every "real" relationship, you take the good with the bad, but you don't really know the bad until you're in the middle of it all.
Or would you just live together for awhile, to see how things really were?
As per your example why would not support a husband if he did nothing immoral because it costs to money which is more important to you than his piece of mind/respect? Also if he has a dyfunctional family you are not going to know that if you were to date him, right? If you are in love, may be you will tend to over look some this not so attractive details right? I don't mean you should over look his unfaithfulness (to you) if that is the case as in him having other women or if he is a criminal. I think you are not falling for MM just loving the attention of MM in an affair situation
FunnyFace
Omaha... my relationship with MM has progressed in ways that I never thought imaginable... I share everything and I mean everything with MM... I talk to him about things that I wouldn't even dream of discussing with my DH... I have opened up to him more than any person that has ever walked into my life.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
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