M reality vs. A reality

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
M reality vs. A reality
39
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:25pm
I think I am starting to fall for my MM; however, I am very much aware how affair reality differs so much from marriage reality. So I wouldn't really call it "love".

For instance, there's so many things I don't have to deal with when not married to MM. MM comes from a dysfunctional family. I don't have to deal with that except comfort MM when he needs to talk.

MM recently got himself into a little trouble (nothing immoral, but it is costing him $$). I have been totally supportive of him. Would I be the same if married? Probably not.

We may only get the "crumbs" so-to-speak, but we also don't have to deal with the bull$&#* on an everyday basis.

I think being in an A can cloud your judgement about who a person really is. Even more than dating a person, they only put on their best when with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:17am
I think everybody's M & A reality is different. I know mine is different than most everyone else's. My M reality is that I'm divorcing...MM is still separated with no concrete plans. Our A is going pretty strong....I like things the way things are. Of course, I'd enjoy more intimacy (i.e. SEX) - ha ha - but, who wouldn't? That's my reality. *wink*
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:17am
That's the problem. Each of our M reality is different and each of our A reality is different. I understand speaking in generalities, but some of what I read never applied to me and never could. I certainly appreciate that I may not be in the norm though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:28am
My M reality:

I met him when I was 19, married him 2 years later, and we're about to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We've been together through everything. Births, abortions, no money, money, no work, work. Deaths in the family. Births in the family. We have tremendous empathy for eachother, we are best friends. We have a functional sex life. But the main thing, we have history. And I have a huge sense of duty, to him, to our kids, to our families. To our future, and to growing old together. I could never ever abandon him for someone else. It'snot in my genetic makeup. It's fundamentally against the rules.

My A reality:

It's great good fun. It's a diversion. It makes me feel young, beautiful, sexy, and charged about getting up in the morning. I like him a lot. He's a great lover, he's really cute, he's smart and funny. And importantly, he's different. Where will it go? Who knows. The day to day is such a thrill, every encounter is like a gift. Unexpected, a surprise. And something to look forward to, whenever it happens.

The hardest part:

Maintaining perspective.

Not falling "in love".

Not expecting too much, of him or of myself.

KEEPING IT QUIET. ("Long to be with, someone to tell, I love your smell.")

But that's just me. Talking through it really helps, though.

Sky

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:28am
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Edited 4/24/2004 4:38 pm ET ET by julietsfate
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:30am
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Edited 4/24/2004 4:38 pm ET ET by julietsfate
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:36am
It is completely PG rated, I promise. It is simply a reference to someone from our favorite movie. Now you're going to wonder what that is and I can't share that either. Sorry to make you wonder but a little mystery is fun right? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:39am
Come on, Omaha....at least tell us the movie.....you are killing me with curiosity...

NRY

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:40am
In reading these posts, it's made me examine the "behind" emotions in my A. I think I'm about the opposite of a lot of you. I'm 'in love' with my MM and I 'love' my H. I'm not sure I have ever before felt the infatuation I felt initially with MM. It completely took me by surprise. In the short year we've been communicating, we've shared more intimate thoughts and emotions than we've shared in a lifetime with our partners.

The day to day care of H (who is disabled) has numbed me to feeling any sexual attraction for him. But his sweet spirit and fighting attitude has made me feel more respect and love for him as the years have gone by. MM, on the other hand, is more of a partner. We think/act/dream/love the same. If I had met him before my M, we would probably have been together forever. But we are both committed to our M's, so have faced the fact that we will always be 'frosting' for each other. Still, I wouldn't trade a moment with him for a million tomorrows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:42am
Sister,

You deserve some happiness. Frost on!

Sky
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:02pm
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Edited 4/24/2004 4:39 pm ET ET by julietsfate