M reality vs. A reality
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M reality vs. A reality
| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:25pm |
I think I am starting to fall for my MM; however, I am very much aware how affair reality differs so much from marriage reality. So I wouldn't really call it "love".
For instance, there's so many things I don't have to deal with when not married to MM. MM comes from a dysfunctional family. I don't have to deal with that except comfort MM when he needs to talk.
MM recently got himself into a little trouble (nothing immoral, but it is costing him $$). I have been totally supportive of him. Would I be the same if married? Probably not.
We may only get the "crumbs" so-to-speak, but we also don't have to deal with the bull$&#* on an everyday basis.
I think being in an A can cloud your judgement about who a person really is. Even more than dating a person, they only put on their best when with you.

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I guess I feel like the history I have with my H, 25 years beginning at age 19, can never be replaced, or supplanted. And beyond that, I do have this intense sense of duty, of having to "stick it out" (which is a bad term, because really, things are pretty good.) He doesn't deserve to be hurt, he's been a good companion all these years. I think I mentioned, my A started as a sexual thing, most definitely. And I don't mean to say that he isn't a good guy (OM), just that it was never my intention to seek out another loving (love?) relationship.
I guess what I'm saying (and I'm really working through this as I write it) is that, like your topic indicates, my M reality is very different from my A reality.
And it needs to stay that way - I contradict myself, by wanting the A to be more than fun and games.
Does this make sense??
Sky
ps Your handle is scaring me. You are not considering a tragic ending, are you??
Edited 4/24/2004 4:40 pm ET ET by julietsfate
I'm pretty new to this board. Could you fill me in on your A?
Did you end it? If so, why? How did it feel? Excuse me if I'm prying,
I keep thinking I should end mine but I'm afraid I'll feel dead.
Maybe Shakespeare's Juliet can be interpreted that way, that "being"
dead and "feeling" dead aren't so different in a dramatic play...
Sky
Edited 4/24/2004 4:36 pm ET ET by julietsfate
Our situations sound so similar it's scary! After reading about so many of the people here who have bad marriages, I was beginning to think there was something really wrong with me. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who loves her husband but is still having an affair. The worst and strangest thing, I think, is that I don't really feel all that guilty. Sometimes I actually feel more guilty about NOT feeling guilty. Does that make sense?
I'm glad you're on this board and I look forward to exchanging ideas with you in the future!
Jess
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