MAJOR D-DAY DISASTER

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
MAJOR D-DAY DISASTER
6
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 9:56am

Well, what's done is done and done forever! I have never had an A before this and had no idea what to expect but my phone started blowing up last night from A saying I ruined his life, calling me every curse word in the book, etc. Said he was caught. I guess W found some email he didnt delete, checked some phone record, etc.. He was not home. Then she starts calling my phone last night cursing at me, calling me a b&%# and what was up with her and her husband. OMG. So he calms down and I tell him 1) it takes 2 and this is not all my fault, he was online with an ad as well. 2) tell her to stop calling me or I will answer the phone and 3) I am changing my phone number and deleting my email and he will never hear from me again.


So a little time went on and then I started getting texts from him saying he was sorry to put me thru this, if thats what I really wanted was to never see him again then fine whatever, etc.. I told him straight up we need a cool off period if not forever then for a long, long time. He said to text him today on work phone and he would apologize again over the phone to me. Im a little shaken. Apparently, she also found a sexually explicit photo he took him of himself and sent to me saying "he missed me" so he is pretty much screwed. He doesnt know how she got my number and apparently she hacked into his email. I feel bad for him but this is not all my fault. So this morning so far I have 2 texts from her saying "bi^ch what the hell is up with you and my husband"


I told him last night I would not answer the phone nor respond to any texts or give out any information AT ALL. But OMG. Crap. Not sure what to think or do or say. Part of me wants to respond to her texts saying "I dont know your husband, I dont know you or what you are talking about" but for right now, I am remaining silent.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:09am

Are you single or married confused? If married, this could lead to your d-day also.

I would change my phone number and close that e-mail account - pronto. I would do those things whether I was married or single. You don't need to be harassed by his wife. I can fully understand her need to get all the information she wants, but it's completely up to you whether to give it or not. If your intent is to withhold information, then there's no point in ever talking to her at all. I wouldn't deny knowing her H or knowing what she's talking about - she obviously has proof that you do and even if she didn't, why lie about it - I would just not communicate with her at all.

For my own peace of mind, if I were you I would change phone numbers and e-mail accounts. Once that's done, you can decide whether to ever contact your AP again. I might use this time to just end it - his first reaction was obviously to blame you and throw you under the bus - those first reactions are the true test of our character, and his is to blame someone else for his own actions. Not pretty...

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:54am

I am married. I deleted the email. He is texting me this morning saying sorry and stuff. I told him I texted her back and said I didnt know her or her husband and to stop harrassing me or I would call the police. He tells me she is leaving him. I told him to focus on his marriage and take this chance to be honest with her on what bothers him in the marriage and give her some time to cool off and to not contact me again and maybe she would change her mind. Now, Im counsling him. Sooo jacked up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 11:00am
If you have bill collectors, that's perfect! If you have no bills (lol) you could say you keep getting a lot of hang ups and you think someone is confusing you with someone else so you'd feel better with another number. OR you could change phone plans and it's always easier to get a new number when you do that. I would do it. Change numbers, change e-mail, block and walk as they say on EAS. He's not worth it.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 11:34am

I am sorry about the situation you are in, confused.. it is a nightmare indeed..

lexi is right. this is the time to cut everything off.. now you have to think about yourself and your family.. and do your best to disappear from his life.. as this goes on, you may also be discovered and that's what you have to prevent..

the two of them have their own path to travel on.. but that's not your path.. it is theirs.. only theirs.. he chose you, but it may easily have been someone else..

change whatever you can ( email, phone, etc) and tell him that, for your family's sake, you need to get off the radar.. he is a big boy, like you said, he started all this on his own.. you need not be his baby-sitter at this time.. even though, i can sense you have a good heart and want to do the right thing.. but, protect yourself and your family first.. that should be the one and only priority for you now..

good luck..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 1:52pm

Hi, sorry your going thru this. It's the last thing that anyone wants to happen. I have to agree with the previous posters. You need to go NC, cut your losses and move on. He got himself into this willingly....he can get himself out.

This brings up a question though? Has anyone talked to their AP about damage control I'd there is a d-day? I want to have that talk so me and AP are on the same page, but it always slips my mind.

Anyway..hope things get better for you...def change your number...you can't help his wife. It's between them.

Scarlet

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 3:23pm

we had the talk.. the first line, of course, is always "deny, deny, deny".. pretty basic.. and do our best to focus the matter on us, not the AP.. and delete, erase, remove all evidence.. and make it sound anything but what it is..

i guess the real defense is not to have anything to be found in the first place.. we've gotten to a point now, that, w/o even thinking about it, all our "suspect" conversations is done either on the phone, or if via e-mail or text, at a place and time, such that the other person is aware of the comm right away and can delete it right away.. the friendly stuff may be out there, but anything about meetings, etc.. is done in a way that there are no traces what so ever.. think of it as "this message will self-destruct ..etc"..

so, if there is nothing to be found to be used for D-Day, that ends up being the path to discretion.. as much as it is possible..

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