major roadblock

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
major roadblock
17
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 2:58pm
been involved for 7mths with my mm. I am single. He recently invited me to go away for a couple of days, one of those would be overnight to the beach. Just the two of us, first time ever. When we saw each other couple nights ago we confirmed everything and his response was meet me in such and such parking lot at 10:30am and follow me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 3:35pm

First of all, as long as you are in this type of relationship you might hear that alot. Some people have no intentions of leaving their spouses and they make it known. I think he is making it known that he is not going to risk going public with you because he is married.


I am sorry, but this is the nature of most affairs.


Even when my husband and I both agreed on splitting up last year.....I never let my family meet the OM. When he started talking about meeting them I freaked out. Because one.....they knew nothing of him, two they thought my marriage was fine....three I was afraid of what others would think about ME. I ended up going back with my husband for alot of reasons.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 4:27pm
Thanks shesant for your response. I realize this is not a normal relationship. I dont ask a lot of questions, never pressure, just go with the flow and enjoy the time we spend together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 4:47pm

Hi Blonde -


Sweetie - I totally understand your disappointment and all of those feelings.


But in the end - it is an A - plain and simple -and as such - you aren't going to be able to be out 'in the open' like you want to be - not till he truly decides to change things in his M.


If you can live with that - great - and if not - well, sadly there aren't alot of options. I know for me- back when I was still in the A - I would NEVER have given up an opportunity to spend time with him - and I lived 1100 miles away.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 4:53pm

im confused, before i blow off what chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 5:01pm

The chance to spend time with him - unless I misunderstood your original post - it sounded like you were cancelling it simply because you couldn't ride together.


Thats all I meant - in A-land - we have to make adjustments if we choose to stay in the A - and I'm not certain that you won't kick yourself later if you cancel this trip just because you have to drive your own car.


Unless, of course - you are having second thoughts about the whole A - which in that case - it's a different thread!

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 6:15pm
Well, it may be that he has that one night out in public with you covered, know what I mean? He may have a story all worked out to cover his butt in case someone does see you together. I know it gets frustrating. I too have BTDT thinking if he really wanted to be with me, it wouldn't matter who saw us where but those are the consequences when you fall in love with someone who isn't yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 6:48pm

"What do you all think of this?"

Well, I think he's being super safe.
Look, if there was an accident and the two of you were together it could be a disaster.

My MM and I are able to get away for a weekend twice a year. We go over 100 miles away and don't ride together.

We used to. Not anymore. One day we were on an interstate in the same car and a couch, a freaking couch, fell off a truck ahead of us. He was able to quickly swerve around it but let me tell you...it shook us up. The last thing I would want is for me to be hurt, or killed in an accident and my children wondering for the rest of their lives what I was doing there....and with who.

Try not to take this too personally. I know it's probably hard because you are single, but he's just being safe.

Hope this view helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 10:10pm

Hi Blonde,


I truly understand your feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 05-08-2009 - 10:03am

Emily i never thought about what you said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 05-08-2009 - 10:06am
oh, ok, i understand.

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