Making him come to you.... (spinoff)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Making him come to you.... (spinoff)
26
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 11:24am
How do you survive while playing hard-to-get with OM? I read this in another thread, and it made SO much sense in terms of my A, and I'm sure with lots of others too!

I haven't seen OM since Saturday afternoon (but will see him at work in a few hours) and it has been all I can do to not call him to see how he is! I know this is what it's all about, but it's driving me crazy when one minute, we're making love and he says, "I could do this every morning" and then doesn't call for a week (but is still flirtatious at work)!! I'm sure he knows what it does to me.

How does everyone else survive?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 11:32am
Yes, this is what I need - to make him come to me - *wink*. I would like to see all the suggestions on this subject.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 11:36am
It's not easy. I haven't seen MM since Dec 19th then we both had vacation, we haven't talked since then. I was hoping to hear from him this week now we're back at work. He must be pretty busy but I am a little disappointed to not hear from him yet.

And a little worried too, but I try to keep busy thinking about other things besides him.

And I go to the gym at lunch to burn off some energy and stress.

I left him a short email yesterday, now I'm leaving the ball in his court.

I'm not going to seem like I'm begging for his attention.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 11:51am
dusty, i'm sorry MM hasn't contacted you yet. and stop making excuses for him!! even if he's slammed at work, he can type a few words back to you and hit "send!" DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN. if you have to speak with him concerning work issues, do so politely and civilly. no flirting, asking him how he is, or any of that. you need to withdraw and let him wonder what's going on. men need the chase! if you chase him anymore (i know, i know, i told you to email him, my mistake!) he'll just ignore you until he's bored.

insofar as strategy to get a man, i don't believe in all that game playing. here's the reality -- you ladies have to behave like you could care less if MM/SG whatever he is calls/contacts you, comes by, gives you the time of day. be busy, too busy to talk. or think about him. DON'T INITIATE any contact with him.

once again, men love to chase and catch! if you make it too easy, he will lose interest! plain and simple.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:01pm
she's right, men by nature are hunters, throwing yourself at their feet and begging for attention eventually bores them, show the attention when your actually with them. lol, i'll admit its damn near torture sometimes tho!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:06pm
Hi Dusty,

A man loves to be able to prove himself, to be challanged, to compete, to undergo tests and trials and emerge victorious. He has a masochistic streak; a part of him loves pain. And strangely enough, the more a woman asks for, the worthier she seems. A woman who is easy to get cannot be worth much.

Make him compete for your attention, make him prove himself in some way, and you will find him rising to the challenge. The heat of seduction is raised by such challenges - show me that you REALLY love me. When one person (of either sex) rises to the occasion, often the other person is now expected to do the same, and the seduction heightens. By making him prove himself, you raise your value.

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:14pm
Hi gurl and thanks for the advice. I just sent that short email yesterday. I'm not going to contact him now, he can get ahold of me. We don't work together either, I never see him at all until he comes over to visit me, we don't live in the same town even.

I'm disappointed about not hearing from him, and I'm always worried that him and his W will have a 'miraculous' recovery of their sex live which he always tells me is non-existent.

I'm just afraid if he found some magic way to get W interested in sex, that he would dump me.

But then I try to remember miracles don't usually happen like that. It certainly hasn't with me and my H !!

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:21pm
dusty -- even if the W were a sex-hungry man-eater, MM would still want your time and attention. as i and another poster said, men get bored with the easy prey and love the challenge and chase.

W may get a kick-start insofar as providing more sex if she knew her M was in danger, but that would only last for a bit and then dwindle again!

don't worry, his homelife is the same, he's just not contacting you right now for other reasons, none of which you can fix or control. stop thinking about the situation and go to the gym!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:24pm
You are a great morale booster gurl!! I know you're right about things. Thanks for making me feel a little better and I will be heading to that gym in about 1/2 hour.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:40pm
Hi Dusty,

Glad to hear that you're taking Gurl's advice. The key is to stay busy, work out, work overtime, go out w/ girlfriends, just stay busy. In the Oprah magazine on men (Oct issue?)Dr. Phil says that men are visual creatures who like the hunt (amongst other things). MM pursues you (or thinks he is) and loves the thrill of the catch. Do NOT be at his beck and call. Stay too busy for him and give yourself some control of the situation. Then when you do have him where you want him lay it on him so he won't forget and will keep coming back for more, remembering the visual creatures that they are.

About his W suddenly getting horny, I wouldn't even worry about that. Affairs are NOT about sex. That's your MM's "excuse" he's making to you to justify his behavior. He may well be having sex on occasion w/ his W, it's just that it's the same ole same ole and he's bored. You provide him the spice that he's looking for and vice versa. Even if they do kick up the sex on their part, if you make it good, he'll remember and will keep coming back for more. And if you keep him at bay always wondering he'll always be on the hunt for you. He may well have "caught" you, but don't you let him know that.

Luvn

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:41pm
I should have the greatest advice for you since MM and I played hard to get with each other for almost 5 years. Then a few months ago after I had had enough of H's attitude and decided to give in he backed off. He ran scared when I started returning the looks, the flirting and shameless one liners to him. So I backed off and honey it didn't take long. And that my friends is my lesson well learned. I do not call him other than for work, he calls me. I don't go over to his office unless I absolutely have to and he comes to see me twice if not more every day. He must like it that I don't seem to care or something, although it is so hard because he is so sexy and irresistable I want to see him all of the time. I also found that having something else to occupy my time helps. I have a friend that I talk to all the time, but not about MM.

Hope this helps ! I so agree w/ gurl and hungry also !

~Blue

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