Man who;s been lurking
Find a Conversation
Man who;s been lurking
| Wed, 04-28-2010 - 12:30pm |
Hi,
I have been lurking here for past couple of months.
| Wed, 04-28-2010 - 12:30pm |
Hi,
I have been lurking here for past couple of months.
Welcome to MAS Jimmy! A guy's POV is always so valued around here, I hope you will do some regular posting. :-)
"Is it real"? Absolutely. An affair is a relationship. Granted, it is partly based on fantasy - as is any R where the two people don't live together. There are no everyday annoyances, etc. to deal with. You don't have to do maintenance at her house, she doesn't have to pick up your dirty socks. But real feelings develop, real affection is often felt, real love even. Sometimes the love is an "illusion", but maybe that's sometimes the case in non affair Rs also.
The thing is, in an affair, all time is "quality time" pretty much. You are PRESENT for each other in a way that's difficult in marriage. You present to each other the "best you" that exists.
That doesn't mean your feelings aren't real. It does mean that those feeling might or might not stand the test of "real life". In most As, that test is never given, really.
I can imagine how you have felt over the years. This smart, funny, sexy woman giving you attention and affection must have felt like being a flower in the desert - and then came the rain. :-) At least that's how I felt once upon a time. Try not to confuse gratitude with love also.
But only you know what you feel, and don't let anyone try to tell you that you're not feeling something you ARE. Let you figure it out - you know yourself best.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Hi Jim :) You said you were looking for kindred spirits, and I think that's why I come here, too. I was also a lurker and finally decided to post.
You and I are close in age and I've been M just a little longer -- also have 3 kids :)
Like Lexi said, your feelings are real. I had a hard time w/ that concept as well...went to T for a few months while actually trying to end my A, and was so grateful to hear T verify that what I felt was indeed real to me...based on fantasy to some degree, absolutely, but real nonetheless.
And I could have written the part in your post where you talk about feeling alive, and sexy, wanted, etc. I struggle with H trying so hard to make me feel that way, and often I just don't...I don't feel it's his fault, it's something messed up in me and my M...T says I have some built up resentments towards him...but otherwise the M is good...doable, but not fulfilling to me. AP just makes all my synapses fire!!
Please join us...we're all struggling with something and new perspectives are helpful.
And I hope I make my AP feel the way you described yours making you feel. I also have a busy life, but I do like to make him feel special. I know I do, and sometimes I think he struggles with needing that...
Welcome to MAS, Jim:)
I'm relatively new here, myself (only been coming to this board for 3-4 weeks), as well as relatively new to the A world (had en EA for several months that turned into a PA about a month ago).
Personally, I've been with my H for over 15 years, and it's always been a slightly "toxic" relationship.
anotherseyes
Thank you so much for your post.
Hi Jim,
Just want to let you know that you are not alone. I felt that way also and having an A is an emotional rollercoaster to your heart but I'm glad that I can come here and know that I'm not the only one feeling "this way".
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
<