Married and Seeing a Married Man

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Married and Seeing a Married Man
10
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 6:35pm
I am new at this, I have been having an affair with a married man for about 2 months. We are both married and seam to be happy with it that way. We are "Best Friends" that cared about each other emotionaly, and sexually. This all started when we all went out dancing and my lover and I became a little touchy feely. One thing led to another and now we can't stay away from each other. We call each other and see each other as much as possible. Our familys are very close and my husband talks to him like he buddy. How do I keep my cool. I want the best of both worlds. Am I crazy or what?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 5:56pm

Hi becca and welcome aboard,


If you're crazy... then all... or at least half of us around here are too.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 7:32pm
Thanks for the words, not sure if it was advice, but just needed to get it off my chest. I meet with MM (Married Man)today. All was good, untill his wife called. He held my hand and rubbed my leg, while talking to her. But I felt my heart drop out and just wanted to cry. After a 5 min conversation with her, my MM (Married Man) tried to comfort me. He new I was upset, but how can I be upset. SHe is his wife. But I felt like, back off this is my time. After my mind excepted what had happened, He wanted to carry me to his bed. But my heart said no.Now that I am home for the evening, after a days work. I catch my self looking at the phone waiting for it to ring. At this point I think I am loosing it. I hope that their is someone out there that can give me a little advice. Thanks...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 11:55pm
Yes, you are crazy! LOL

Our families are close and my H and MM used to talk, but not since H found us out. Our EMA had been going on for 7 months when H found out, and with all of us being friends, it has been total HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, please, please be careful!

I am currently trying to pick up the pieces of my M, and still keep in touch with MM very cautiously. I am lucky that H will not spill the beans to MM's W, but he sure does a good job at making certain I feel extremely guilty when I see her and will never talk to MM again, which I am sure will eventually become obvious to W.

Best of luck to you, but I am cautioning you to be extremely careful, and even suggesting that, if possible, end it before my situation happens to you. I'd hate for anyone else to go through this hell, but please keep in touch with me if you need a friend who has been there. This board has really helped me keep it together.
Avatar for poohbear_ut
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 9:50am
Hi..

I haven't been around in awhile.. mostly because my relationship with a MM is now my own life. My MM left his wife and we are now together, but I had a whole different situation than most people here. So I'm not sure how to explain it all to someone new.

The closeness in families is a big concern, mostly because if it is uncovered what is happening between you two, it will be very difficult on two families that will suddenly be at war. BTDT! Right now, I'm wondering if this is not just a moment of passion and lust, something that is making you both feel wanted and needed. Something that you may be missing at home right now for some reason unknown to us, which can probably remain unknown. I don't know if you both have children, but if you do, then I am sure that they are friends with each other and play together when both families are together. Let me just say this.. children are not dumb!!! I think that my MM's kids figured out me and thier daddy long before anyone else did. They loved to come and see me.

One weekend when his wife went out of town, he called me when he was on his way back from the airport and said, she's in the air, are you coming over? It was a friday morning and he didn't have to work, so I got up and went over there, crawled in bed with him and we went back to sleep. At 7:00 or so he got up and went and woke up the kids, but then came back to the bedroom with me. His little girl, came to the door while we were both in there and the first thing she asked is.. "Is mommy gone?" He said "Yes" She said, "Can (me) come over??" It took everything in me not to jump up out of that bed and open the door and hug her.

What I am trying to say, is limit things.. take it slow.. and see if this is something that is truly worth turning everything in two family lives upside down for. I hate so much to say that, but it is hard and there will be alot of people effected by the decisions that you both make in this EMA.

I happened to be single, which made things alot easier in my situation. Although my situation is of course alot different in many ways. I was still seeing a married man, which in turn caused his separation and soon divorce from his wife.

Just think about it all... that's the best advice anyone can give you.. BOTH. Make sure that this isn't just moments of passion and lust that you will later regret.

~ Pooh

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 7:10pm
Thank you for all the words of advice! I have had a ruff week. I miss my MM alot. Spent a little time with him on friday and a little today (Monday). But have thought alot about himand I the past few days. And today, he acted like he wanted to say something but couldn"t. SO I asked him what was up? He said he wanted to say something to me, but has stoped himself, but was unsure for how long, he could stop. I figure in was I Love You! So I told him not to say something that he will regret. But for some reason, either LUST, or me really wanting to hear it. I wanted him to say it! I think I am really falling for him. But I very much love my H (Husband). I cried all the way home today. I didn"t want to leave him. So I ask myself, Am I IN LOVE WITH HIM ++++ Is it possible to love two men at the sametime, or am I unfair to my Family. (Husband & Children) I want so badly to just ask him to leave his wife and start a better relationship with me. But that would destroy two familys with Kids, and where would that leave us. How do you ever decide if enough is enough and want more out of the Affair or just to get out.. Confused>>
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 11:03pm
I agree with you. I turned to my husband's friend becuase I thought of anybody who would understand what I was going through, he must've seen it (abuse). I was right and he wanted to see me after I called him crying one day. He wanted to comfort me and he did and the next thing you know, hands are under clothing. I had always thought he was extremely attractive but thought I was too fat and ugly for someone like him. He was very suprised and within a matter of weeks, we were caught. My husband got into my email and read our messages. It was brutal and very ugly. They still see each other on occassion at work, including the MM's W, but my H never told her. It's been many years now and when they see each other, they speak and even shake hands, but it's only because it also came out my H's anger problem. He was more embarrassed at his own behavior, but we all had small children that played together. All of that's gone, and I know in many ways, he still misses the friendship he had.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:00am
Hello, me again! I know exactly how you feel, I, too, wanted MM to be with me and make a better life for both of us. Well, he said to me, it would be easy for me to leave her and do that, but, I get stuck at leaving my kids. That really made me stop and think of how selfish I was still being. Also, CL-Sweet69 said to me that if her MM kept at her to leave H, she would resent it, and I realized that if I did that to my MM he would feel the same. I love him too much to do that to him, and I love his children too much to do that to them. If he leaves her, it will have to be on his terms, not mine. All he needs to know is that I will be there for him. We have 7 beautiful children between the two of us to think of, and they need to come first. It is very difficult to keep this in mind when I am so crazy to be with him, but I need to. His W and I still talk, but I am trying to keep a distance so as to keep from crying all the time, from guilt and from having to listen to her b**** about him all the time, which drives me mad. H and I are getting along a little better now, MM and I are also doing better, especially now that my focus is back where it should be, that this is an EMA. I tell myself every time I get upset, that if MM and I are meant to have a future together, then we will, and if not, then the time that we have had together will always be precious to me.

Good Luck to you, and keep me posted. Remember that you are not alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 2:48pm
Becca,

You are not crazy. My OM is a friend of both my husband and me and it is very tough when we are in situations that involve the 3 of us socializing to keep my hands to myself. I feel like when anyone talks about my OM that they can see on my face the emotions I have.

Good luck!

MrsDARE87

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 7:04pm
Thanks to everyone for all the support. Things just seam to be getting more confussing. But I am trying to take it one day at a time. My heart and mind are beating each other up!. Just to say, my Marriage isn't bad just lonely. And now that I have tried to fill the void, it seams that my H will not give me space to breath. But I am thinkfull that H does love me, but sometime, I think he just dosen't want to be alone. MM and I seam to be a better fit and get along better, but yes, I know we have a responsibility together. But all I do is think of him. Hard to carry out the day. Trying to keep a clear head... But my emotions are getting the best of me... Again, thanks for the support...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 8:09pm
Hope all is good for everyone. Still hanging in here...