I understand where you are coming from. When I was having my affairs, I insisted that my "ladies" not have sex with their husbands and even after our divorce, I did all that I could to see to it my ex wife never was able to move on to meet another man. Like you, I just think that a few of us are more "entitled" than others.
I totally understand where you are coming from...your heart. The heart is rarely rational. I can't imagine how hard that situation must me. Being on the otherside of that is one of the things I have to get my head around as I head for D.
Lexi,
Interesting. I have never insisted that my AP not have sex with her H, but I don't want her too. Early on, I recall us telling each other when we did have sex with our spouses, but for me, once that word "love" is used, I have some expectation of respect and monogamy.
I know that doesn't make any rational sense at all. Then again, I don't often ask her what she is doing with her husband. I did fairly recently, I think that is documented on the board somewhere. She said, "we sometimes share a bed, but are not intimate". I tend to believe her.
Speaking from a single woman's point of view nice to see the cake eaters suffering too! As they should.
I keep mine wondering what I am up to when he is not around. And its not about sleeping with someone else its about the POSSIBILITY of finding someone better that is free that is the most frightening.
As the single person I get to do whatever I want anytime I want.
AP and I have an agreement, "rules of the affair" so to speak. And one of them is that we don´t have sex with others. His W and my SO can´t be intimate, so that´s not even an issue. But I will not share him with others.... :)
This is a hard one, I think. It may come as a surprise from a man, but I just can't do it. Now, perhaps if my A was very sexually inactive, I might, but when it has been I hard the hardest time emotionally having IC with my W. Of all the things an A is, having IC with my W while sexually engaged with my AP, felt like the final act of disrespect. Early in the A, I did. I may have even has IC with both on the same day, but at some point, when I started feeling "in love' with my AP, I simply couldn't anymore. It's one of the reasons I moved out.
Now, I don't honestly know what my AP does, but I tend to believe her when she says that she doesn't have sex with her H ( we don't discuss it much, if at all). I do find it hard to believe that he has been able to put up with that situation for the past 4 years, while living with her; and apparently still sharing a bed. Somewhere on this board was a comment to a post of mine, suggesting that women can do this fairly easily; I just don't know how her H could. Maybe he's got something on the side too. Which, by the way, is one of the reasons I stopped having IC with my W. Who the heck knows what kind of partner choices AP's H would make? If he was passing something to his W and her to me, I didn't want to pass it my W. Is that crazy?
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Like you, I just think that a few of us are more "entitled" than others.
It's a completely normal way to feel when there are emotions in a relationship, but yes, it is selfish.
Proud to be a
You've
Rayne,
I totally understand where you are coming from...your heart. The heart is rarely rational. I can't imagine how hard that situation must me. Being on the otherside of that is one of the things I have to get my head around as I head for D.
Lexi,
Interesting. I have never insisted that my AP not have sex with her H, but I don't want her too. Early on, I recall us telling each other when we did have sex with our spouses, but for me, once that word "love" is used, I have some expectation of respect and monogamy.
I know that doesn't make any rational sense at all. Then again, I don't often ask her what she is doing with her husband. I did fairly recently, I think that is documented on the board somewhere. She said, "we sometimes share a bed, but are not intimate". I tend to believe her.
MPV
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
<
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
<
Speaking from a single woman's point of view nice to see the cake eaters suffering too! As they should.
I keep mine wondering what I am up to when he is not around. And its not about sleeping with someone else its about the POSSIBILITY of finding someone better that is free that is the most frightening.
As the single person I get to do whatever I want anytime I want.
Well, I wouldn't expect anyone with real feelings for their AP to relish the idea of sharing him/her.
AP and I have an agreement, "rules of the affair" so to speak. And one of them is that we don´t have sex with others. His W and my SO can´t be intimate, so that´s not even an issue. But I will not share him with others.... :)
Rayne,
I hope you don't mind me asking.
Are you still having IC with your H?
This is a hard one, I think. It may come as a surprise from a man, but I just can't do it. Now, perhaps if my A was very sexually inactive, I might, but when it has been I hard the hardest time emotionally having IC with my W. Of all the things an A is, having IC with my W while sexually engaged with my AP, felt like the final act of disrespect. Early in the A, I did. I may have even has IC with both on the same day, but at some point, when I started feeling "in love' with my AP, I simply couldn't anymore. It's one of the reasons I moved out.
Now, I don't honestly know what my AP does, but I tend to believe her when she says that she doesn't have sex with her H ( we don't discuss it much, if at all). I do find it hard to believe that he has been able to put up with that situation for the past 4 years, while living with her; and apparently still sharing a bed. Somewhere on this board was a comment to a post of mine, suggesting that women can do this fairly easily; I just don't know how her H could. Maybe he's got something on the side too. Which, by the way, is one of the reasons I stopped having IC with my W. Who the heck knows what kind of partner choices AP's H would make? If he was passing something to his W and her to me, I didn't want to pass it my W. Is that crazy?
MPV
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
<
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