Married & Falling For Someone Else.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Married & Falling For Someone Else.....
9
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 9:50pm
My husband and I have been together for over a decade. I love him very much and we are happy. Nothing is wrong in our marriage. A new married guy started at work and we hit it off immediately, but we didn't really get close or talk that much and then in the last month things have changed. We started talking more and emailing non-stop and flirting. One night after work and after a few beers we opened up a little bit and realized we both have STRONG feeling for each other and we almost kissed, but our will powered kicked in and we both went to our own homes. Then we started chatting online and there got to be more flirting and well that leads us to where we are today. We are both attracted to each other. We both want to do something, but know that we can't because we are married. We have both wanted to lean over and kiss each other but instead we move away so that it doesn't happen. The most confusing part of all this is the fact that we are extremely close friends. We can talk to each other about anything, our personalities are almost identical, we have the same views and goals. When we look at each other we know what the other one is thinking. We are very open and honest with each other, and we give you each other the honest advice, not what the other wants to hear.
We are going to be working with each other for years, we are both where we want to be with our careers. Our departments work closely with each other and we are both the only ones in our department which means we will be working closely together. We both know that nothing can happen and he says that he will always make sure that it doesn't. I tell him that he can't guarantee that. I honestly think that eventually something is going to happen. So we are at a crossroads. We don't want to lose each other as close friends. We keep flirting because it is very natural for us. We are comfortable being with each other. It is like we are married except we don't fight. We can have very deep conversations about this situation and it doesn't change how things are between us, I think he keeps making us closer. Can we honestly go on this way? What should we do? Part of me wants us to kiss and see if there really are sparks or not and to get it over with. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Can we overcome this? I need advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 9:59pm

Run!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 10:26pm

You are already teetering on the edge of an EA, if you haven't already fallen off the edge.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 12:12am
I really like him on many different levels. The attraction between us is very strong and deep. We enjoy being together. We enjoy talking to each other. We spend a couple hours a day together. So far with all the close calls and the deep conversations we have had, nothing has changed. We still act the same with each other.
I got hurt at work and he cared more about me than my own husband did. He gave blood and I asked him how he was doing and kept checking on him, which is something his wife never did. I know that if we weren't married to other people that we would be together.
I am a firm believer in people come into your life for a reason....why did he come into mine or why did I come into his. We are both aware of what is happening and what each other is thinking. All we have to do is look at the other one and we know what other is thinking. He is my best friend and I am his. We talk about EVERYTHING to each other. I vent to him and he vents to me. We don't do that with our own spouses. What am I suppose to do....do we keep going as we have and pray nothing happens or what? I am confused.......
We can't not work together..... We have laid it all on the line...... I know the attraction will never go away. I am just at a loss of what to do....
He has even said that "Our feeling won't "go away", we accept them and learn to deal with them."
If we don't that aren't we lying to ourselves and our spouses.
I am just at a loss......
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 3:43am

I never post here, but I visit a lot. Someday I'll type out my story. I read the things here just so I NEVER, EVER even THINK about having an affair, EVER AGAIN. Mines been OVER for 10 YEARS and it's finally, really over. Some things STILL bug me about it.

That said... You sound like you are doing everything possible to talk yourself into this. Don't say that you haven't been warned. You will end up wasting your time that you will never get back. God knows what you could all destroy with this. I agree, you are in a situation that is not easy. Quit pushing it though.

Come on, do you think the blood people are really gonna let him die there? It only takes a 1/2 hour, how often did you check? People are noticing this. If you really are where you want to be in your career, don't start rumors. The blood comment really bugged me. Of course his wife doesn't do that for him, it's insane.

Good luck to you. You are on a course for disaster.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 8:00am

i have been exactly where u are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 8:12am

" Part of me wants us to kiss and see if there really are sparks or not and to get it over with." You are already ,like another post says on edge of EA and that will make this kiss very passionate! Remember, most women enjoy sex if they are emotionally invested in the man.Your first kiss will definitly bring sparks and then you would want to tough his chest,kiss him there and then all over.. will he just sit there and let you do all the work?? He will get worked up and you will end up having a full house!

Dont cross the line.Let it stay to be friends.You will ultimately do what you want to, we can only caution you.

Best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 9:16am

You have already made up your mind and I am not here to persuade you to do anything different than what you are going to do.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 11:14am

AWE, I love your posts. And you described the process precisely. I pushed my H away exactly as you said - all of us did at some point, because we all losing our head thinking we in "love". even kids won't stop you. I am ashamed to admit it even here, totally anonymous and to people who totally understand, but I did not attend my child's graduation because I was called in to work. I could've declined, but I did not, because I work with AP and chance seeing him was more important. How lower can you go? How man, any man, even the best man in the world, can ever take priority over your child? But that's what an A does to, it turns you into obsessed maniac, craving for his fix.

OP, go read my thread "I am so pissed". I read it myself over and over again to keep my resolve to end it. AP chased me like a madman and treated me like a princess. I thought it is love, it is real thing, like nothing could ever go wrong when you're being loved like that.
Go and read how it ended. You have no idea how lonely, desperate, used and cheap you will feel in the end, when man who says he loves you and means a world to you, will get up and leave you, will go home to his old, unattractive, boring wife. You will still be a princess, beautiful, feminine, interesting and bright woman, but you will feel like $hit.

I wish I've come to this board back in June, when my A started. I am so glad I am out so quickly.
(((Hugs))) to all

Angry Vivacious




Edited 11/16/2008 11:15 am ET by vivaciousgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 7:59am

Thanks Angry Viv,


I enjoy reading your posts, as well.