This may be kids stuff, I need a friend
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| Wed, 11-19-2003 - 2:48pm |
Now, I am in a very happy marriage. We have been married for 10 years and I could not imagine my life without him. I say that becuase it is a big oart of my problem. I am honestly happy and in love with my husband and cannot understand why my friend has such a hold on me.
Well, my friend and I have gone to lunch on many occaisions and attended the same events, seperately but we always say hello, and hug. The last 2 times I have seen him the hugs have been so different. They are longer and more tender. He looks at me in such a way that I know he has feelings for me. We have joked on a couple of occaisions about fooling around but I am certain that we are not being completely honest about our desire. Well a few days ago I did something stupid. He came to see me for some personal and business reasons and we were leaving and we really dragged out our goodbyes. Well the last time we hugged and had this uncontrollable urge to kiss him. So I kissed him on the cheek before he left. I fretted the rest of the day that I might have offended him or something and sent him a text and said basically if I was inapproptiate I apologixed. He txtd back and said it would take a lot more than whatever I thought I did to be inappropriate. Well I felt better.
Well last night I dreamt about him and am sitting here unable to get him out of my head. I do not want to wreck my marriage, and I know pursuing anything will cause me to lose anything. My question is, why, knowing all of the risks, do I find myself seeking it out? What is wrong with me?
Thanks in advance.

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It's always there. Always lurking and waiting for someone to give in to it. All you have to do is not. Just stop.
It's not rocket science. It's not some deep, meaningful life explanation that something is wrong in your marriage. You are just tempted by the fruit of another and you can do one of of two things; bite or walk away.
Considering you say you have a wonderful, supporting husband, and you are risking all of that for a crush/attraction to someone else, I'm afraid you may come out with nothing.
Your husband may be tempted too. Should he bite or walk away? Marriage is hard but it should be able to stand these little tests. If something is terribly wrong, that's when affairs happen. For you, it seems, nothing is really wrong. So, if I were you, I would just stop the contact and he will move on to some other married woman.
Just my thoughts. I'm trying to be sensible, not romantic. Good luck.
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