May "roll call", and a few questions
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| Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:12am |
OK, it's time to re-introduce ourselves. If you're tired of telling "your story", you can post a link to a previous post that contained it, or you can do a "reader's digest condensed" version. :-)
My RDC version is:
I've been married many years, have known my H since high school, have some grown children and little grandchildren. I've been involved with my (single) OM for 11 years - during which we've gone through a lot! We are very good and deeply trusted friends, who have sex. I do love him, but I feel that my marriage is happy and I love my H also, and our life together.
Now the questions...
What is it you seek from this board? Do you think you're getting what you wanted here? I've noticed that some posters have disappeared since I've gotten here, and although I realize that that is the nature of this place, I also realize I could have driven some away. If there's something you wish were different, or better, share it. Don't be afraid - it might actually improve the board! :-) Share...

You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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Welcome to MAS Scarlet!
I think I would label your ex-AP as an "EA", if your communication is secret and consists of stuff that your H would not appreciate or approve of.
I'm glad to see you posting around here and hope to see more of you!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Being single in an A is very difficult for anyone Posh. It's hard to come second and be a "side dish", especially when you are in love. Is there ever talk of a future, or is he happy with things the way they are?
Anyway I'm glad you found this place, and if nothing else, we can be one of your distractions when you're lonely. :-)
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Thanks, Lexi.
No i have not been entirely honest with AP about how i feel regarding our future together because quite frankly i'm not too clear on that issue myself. At times, i feel, yes i love him and it would be SO wonderful to make a baby and have a life together. Other times i feel like, he is too old for me and he is boring. Or he is too much of a worrier. Or whatever. Things like that. Then after that i will go back to thinking that it is so nice that i always have him there to chat with or to make me feel good about myself.
I don't think i am that great of a person based on how i'm treating him. I mean i am nice to him, but at the same time i am not always honest, as i said, because i don't even know what i want. As i said things with H aren't allways good so i often like knowing that AP is there. and he IS there. Always. As much as an AP can be.
I sometimes feel that now that we've settled into this comofrtable A (well, i have. He seems to want more out of it. ), there is nothing else to chase after. Do you know what i mean? It's not like we are married and can plan vacations or buy a home or make kids. It's an A! What else is there to achieve in this relationship? I don't know if this makes any sense. How do you deal with that?
Sunshine
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Sunshine
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You may be one who enjoys drama, or being challenged, in a relationship Sunshine. So when it gets slow and steady, you become bored. I think I just like having two relationships - even though both are stable, predictable and might be thought of as "boring". You are correct - with an AP you don't plan vacations (generally - although some do), you can't get excited about buying a house or having a baby. I can tell from reading your post that, IMO, your AP isn't someone you should end up with. You like that he's sort of your "rock", but you don't say the things people generally say when they're "in love".
I'm always one to throw out a suggestion of individual counseling or therapy when someone seems to want to understand THEMSELF. I think it can be invaluable, something I've thought of for myself. Have I done it? NO... But I like to throw it out there for others LOL.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Hi All ~
I found ivillage message boards several years ago when I was going thru a separation/ divorce. Now that I am the OW, I came back to the message board to get opinions of others that
"You said something very interesting in your post: "I feel the most like myself with him". I feel that way too. I wonder if it's because our APs know MORE about us than anyone else in our lives - for one thing they know about our A, since they're in it! In a way it's unfair to my H that he can't "know" me like my OM can. It's not his fault that I can't "let him in". I think I purposely set up that "wall" between us - for the purpose of having a wall, if that makes any sense."
ITA with this, lexi.
anotherseyes
Hi everyone ~
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Edited 6/8/2010 1:01 am ET by onaride
Hi all
Ok RDC version ...
MW married 20 years, great guy but we have no passion left. But I love him and dont want to leave him. AP has been with his partner 8 years and has 2 kids ( I have 4).
Been in our A for 1 year, it was passionate and exciting and totally consuming initially but then he pulled back as the guilt was getting too much. Its been a rough ride but we seem to be in an ok place now, daily contact and maybe coffee/lunch every 2 weeks. Play when we can. Been away a few times with him too- 'work trips'.
So its lovely and relaxing and fun. But I wish I could see more of hiom- he feels the same- but thats the situation we are in I guess.
I love this board- makes
Welcome to MAS Surprise!
From reading your post it seems to me your AP was hoping for something between you before you were aware that he was LOL. It also seems that it's all worked out well. Good to see you here and hope to see you posting around!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
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