Maybe this is it???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Maybe this is it???
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 2:38am
Hello,

It has been awile since I wrote. It has been about 3 weekes since I have seen my MM. Im just getting tired of it I think. The last time he did not see me for a long time peroid I told him this would not be ok and that it was time to shop for a new man. My MM does not know that im in love with him at all. Im a fish cold. I give him what he wants no emotion, just the sex good sex. I go places that his W. would never go. He has got a good thing. Really good. He even tells me Im the best I have had in his life. He has even told me he loves me. I said nothing back in fear of him dumping me if he knew. That he would never stop seeing me. He even said if i moved he would follow me. At this point im like im ready to tell him and let go. When i end it I have to just let him know. Just this week im seeing things in a diffrent light. How I have been used for way over a year. He is very good looking. A man in uniform. Hot in eveyway. But i dont see him leaving his W. She just had a baby and that just about killed me. Im a heavy girl, I just guess i have self-esteam issues. I feel there is no way to work on me if im still letting it go. Im just so afraid of the pain. Just needed to vent.