Me
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| Fri, 04-24-2009 - 5:29am |
Hello, since I have been about..I guess I should pony up and toss my tale in the ring such as it is. Not so different from some and I am not sure it helps anyone else but I will say I do find reading some things here , that there is advice I had not thought of . And others in similar boats.
I was married for 14 yrs the second time, my first youth and stupidity. ExH and I had a good relationship as friends and it after year or so built. He was younger then I and had children by a previous marriage. We ended up getting married and for the first five yrs I would say it was happy.
The rest were terrible. So as not to bore anyone, ExH had issues that revolved around simply the inability to grow. By the time he sought growth he was having A. Several as far as I know. Now granted he ended up getting one pregnant and my knowledge of it coming on a wedding anniversary which prompted my move out, but it had been years of suspiscion and occasional separations and it was becoming a rollercoaster that I had to get off of. I do not hate exh just really glad to be out of it.
During that time I had a friend. Nothing beyond friendship, he was sorta like my buddy we chatted, and he was there to listen when I needed some voice of reason. Two yrs after my D, we began to have a A. not physical well not as of yet anyway. But to all intents and purposes everything else.
His W. lives in another state. They have existed like this for over 8 yrs. Mostly due to simply not having anything beyond the finacial convience. They dont hate each other and while I understand why and such....a part of me is still on the fence with the relationship.
I do not have emotional doubts it is more the fact that while I realize they dont have a M. in the conventional sense, it is still a M. I guess I am wondering if I am crazy or there is something to the feeling I have.
Yes inside I know it may simply end. Granted I wont lie, the ideal situation would be a monogamous relationship, but I dont hold illusions I know its slim in the big picture not due to lack of emotion simply due to the fact he may not be able to make such a abupt change.
I have never in my entire life been in an A. so this is territory I am rather unfamiliar with and sometime sit confuses the hell out of me. Not sure if this all makes sense..but I dont discuss it alot because while there is a deep emotion and to a degree its all out in the open, it still somewhat like being second? And while I dont know if I can do this, I dont wish to walk away not at this time. Yes I know I probably need to smack myself !
A good friend said I should enjoy the wonderful relationship and when that time comes that I can no longer keep it as it is , then I should walk away . Because I will walk away on my own terms. I wonder if that is true...or works?
But anyway hello and glad to be here , even if I am not sure sometimes if I make sense.


