Men can be so Dumb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Men can be so Dumb
11
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 8:01am
So i asked AP about the pic of us he posted and all he had to say was, "yeah i need to keep up more with my site"..and "everyone knows we're friends anyway"...wtf? he had no concern at all about anything. He didn't stop to think about his W seeing it... he claimed she doesn't go on his site.....which i dont believe cuz they have a shared email addy....
And the pic was taken by someone at a social function, and then put up on another board, where he saw it, copied it and put it on his site. It isn't a pic that is in any way revealing or anything, and its only the two of us in that particular pic together, laughing, and having fun. But there were others of us with lots of other people in them... and only the one pic of us together.
I'm starting to think he's just playing games with me, and he's a big liar. And dumb, too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 9:40am
I dont know...from what you describe it sounds innocent to me. Obviously I can only by the description and not the actual photo. If his wife knows you and knows about the function...eh....I do not see the big deal
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 10:52am
The pic is innocent, sure, but he knows what his wife would do if she sees it. Thats what i don't understand. And i didn't get a sufficient response from him on it either. And a while back, i had to have him remove all the comments i ever sent him cuz of my H. I just know as soon as my H sees it, he will start in again on me with the "your boyfriend" talk...so, like i said, men can be so dumb...for now, i am just going to let it stay there and i'm sure if theres a problem, the pic will come down soon enough.
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 11:13am
kind of sounds like he's trying to get you caught and make your home life miserable. That boyfriend crap talk gets old FAST and makes home lousy, and he must know that. I think you should insist that he take the picture down. It almost feels like a control play to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 11:44am
Is your AP going to wait for the problem to arise before he takes the picture off? IMO its more sensible to avoid problem unless he IS looking for it which seems more likely to be the case.
Your H knows about your AP !! How does it affect your M life?It cant be normal,i bet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 1:34pm
I was casual acquaintances with ap for 7 years before we discovered we liked each other. So H knew about us to begin with. H didn't suspect anything til a few months back when i said AP's name one nite while sleep talking.
And H and i never have had a "normal" marriage. He never liked any of my friends or family and he has no friends himself. And since a lot of my friends are male, some married, some not, but he refers to Ap as my "boyfriend"...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 2:13pm

Makes you wonder if he is trying to get caught......


Mine has taken to inviting me to places with tons of people he knows. It is obvious that we are there together. He paid for lunch out by my place, where he has no reason to be, with a cc/debit card. And W knows I live out here. And he did that after he had me pick him up right in front of his house late late at night. His roomate seen him get in a car and tattled on him.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 2:35pm
i would be more likely to think he is trying to get caught in a subtle way. Just like he was very subtle in not telling his wife i was coming over his house one time.( before the A started) I now know why he didn't tell her, but i was too naive to think about anything like that at the time it happened. I really believed at the time he said he "thought" he had told her. Her reaction and their kids reaction sure told me different. Lately i have been really learning about his deceptive ways, with his non communication in regards to me. I dont think i can deal with it much longer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 3:03pm

Hmmm....I dont really see my APs ways as being deceptive. I think he wants out but is lacking the strength at this time to actually come out and say it. Out of his marriage that is. When he told me that W knew he left in the late late early am and was suspicious,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 6:39pm
I dont know what i'm attempting to do at this point. And i too, think W will fight for him whether or not she loves him, because he's her bread and butter. For him to try to leave would involve him losing most everything he has. Including his son, which he has no intention of letting her have him. And visitation for him is not an option. He calls staying in his marriage for his son, "damage control". He says at least he can still have some control over whats going on in his kid's life. Boy i sure can relate to that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 7:14pm

Mine does not have any kids with W. So that is not an issue. But from what I have seen/heard about her she would fight simply not to lose the game.


At this point she is the bread winner as he is in school. He is going to have a very good career when he gets out though so that may be another factor in if she would fight.


And I know him. If she were to ever find out what is going on before he was done with school he may back off simply because he needs to focus on school.


I really dont think he quite belives that I care. He had it really bad for me back in the day. And

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