Mending Hearts...but questioning

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Mending Hearts...but questioning
1
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 3:30pm
Well I spoke to my lover today. I needed to talk with him regarding that lame excuse as to why we didn't get together on Friday. As I suspected, he's very stressed at work. But he promised to make up the lost time we missed. Ok, I'm a fool for him. I can't help it. I really wish things were different. I love my H, but I don't know if I'm still in love with him. There is really no reason for me to break up this marriage other than wanting to be with my lover. Sometimes I just wish I was single. I've been married for 11 years and we've been together for 17. I think I'm just tired of being with the same man for so long. Now don't get me wrong this is my second marriage. My first H was abusive and it lasted for 1 year. Thats when I met my current H. When I think about it, I think I trapped myself in a rebound marriage. Now I just want to be selfish and be with my lover. I would hate to hurt my H. I know if he ever knew this would devistate him completely. He is totally in love with me still. That's what makes it so hard. As for my daughter(from my first marriage) She'll be 18 next month. Almost an adult and almost ready to be on her own. So I find myself thinking selfishly. There's never an easy solution to this. Either way, someone is bound to get hurt. I did promise myself, if I do get a divorce, I would never get married again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 3:41pm
Well you must be my lost twin soul. I am married to a wonderful guy who loves me but here I am wanting the other man. I want to be selfish since my daugther is older - 22 yrs - but is still hard to break 25 years of marriage. sigh.