Met on iphone and became friends & more

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Met on iphone and became friends & more
5
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:18pm

OK, I've been reading the post and thought I'd share my story with all of you. First of all i'm in a marriage of 12 years and am usually fairly happy at home. My wife is 32, I'm 33 and the woman I met is 25 and single.

I met a great woman on my IPhone about 1 month ago through a social networking app. We chatted regularly for about 2 weeks and the decided to meet 1 evening after work. After a few drinks and an amazing evening we ended up back at her place. Some passionate kissing and caressing took place and that was as far as it went. It was the best I've felt in a long long time. This was also the first time I've strayed from my wife. We continue to communicate daily through emails and I've visited her at her place 5 times in the past 2 weeks. She knows I'm married and doesn't want what happened on the first night to progress but when we are together we just lay on the couch cuddle and talk the whole time. I absolutely love it! We are planning a full day together next week. She and I have talked about how bad we want each other and there have been a few late night drunken emails with details about how great it could be.

My question to whoever is willing to share an answer is how in the hell do you deal with these feelings?

I love knowing that there is another woman who wants me and I'm so f***ing attracted to her it drives me crazy. Then I come home to a good wife and 2 kids who don't have a clue as to what I'm doing. I love the excitement of this secret and the excitement of a new woman in my life and have butterflies constantly. I feel so bad and so good at the same time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:39pm

What you are feeling is the same as everyone else in an affair feels. AT FIRST. But trust that you are heading down a very slippery and dangerous slope. Seems to me there are two choices here. Keep heading down it, knowing that most likely it is going to end badly at some point, be it discovery by your wife, the girl thinks you two are going to run off and start your own family, etc., etc., etc. Or wake up and end it now. Because you two are in entirely different circumstances. She's single, only 25 and probably still has the happily ever after in her head. She's going to want more, I can almost guarantee it. You, on the other hand, are married, with two little ones at home. You could probably continue on with her on the side and be ok with it. She will not. You will probably find yourself promising her things that somewhere in the recesses of your mind you know you can't and won't deliver. You will probably start acting differently at home. Believe me, your wife will know, most likely. We women have an intuition, you know. Eventually, you'll probably get found out, your wife will be devastated and never look at you the same again, and you just may find the family you have right now in tatters on the floor. It happens all the time. OF COURSE you like the feelings it gives you. It feels damn good to be attractive to someone other than the person you know loves you. It feels good to know you can still turn a head. It feels good to fantasize about someone. But play all of those tapes out to the very end and try to imagine how it's going to feel if you're marriage is destroyed. Trust me....all of those things that feel so awesome now are going to feel pretty lousy then. I've been there.

The choice, really, is up to you. If you decide it's game on, then just be aware of what can happen. Your wife just may say game over.

One other thing....I think you might need to ask yourself if this wasn't what you were seeking. Because you WERE in a social networking site on your phone. And married. Maybe you need to spice things up at home instead of possibly throwing it all away. Which one is easier? Food for thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 10:39pm
She doesnt' want what happened the first night to happen again but you are continuing to see one another? Obviously it is heading in a direction and you both know it. What happened the first night can easily happen, that and MORE....this is the point of decision...if you choose to see this woman and sleep with her then you are in an affair and you need to deal with the guilt or not do it. Dont sit there and torture yourself....doing it and feeling guilty, back and forth. crap on the pot or move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 11:11pm

I can attest to what sillyme just said. Been there, done that, have the divorce to show for it.

EVERYONE has those delicious feelings at first and they are so ADDICTING. However, that's the word that sucks you into it for the long haul (and believe me, the long haul doesn't often play out well). You will enter the world of endless roller-coaster emotions where the highs are very high, but the lows are devastating. Problem is, as time passes, the 'highs' get fewer and far between, as Real Life intervenes, and there is nothing left but the lows.

If you choose to do this, just think through the possible end results.... it isn't likely that a 25 year old single woman is going to pursue an affair with a married man for the rest of her life. So either you will ultimately lose her, or you will lose your marriage and possibly your kids. Or you may ending up losing all three. (I did).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 1:05pm
I appreciate all of the advise and do know that the wrong path will lead nowhere good. It is just so nice to have these feeling to share with someone new. She's already expressed to me that she is definitely looking for what I already have and she knows I don't want to give it up. But, we just keep talking and wanting to see eachother. She's all I Think about! Is it possible? With a lot of secrets!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 8:11pm

Believe me, you're in the right place. I understand. I think everyone here does.

I also knew that the wrong path would lead nowhere good and I did it anyway. And I suspect you will too. And in some ways, I'm not sorry.

If you want someone to talk to about it, you can email me through my profile.

Hang in there... just be sure you keep your eyes wide open all the way.