Midlife crisis support board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Midlife crisis support board
53
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:44am
I notice that most of the people here (one or both partners) are either in their 30s or above ...classic timing for midlife crisis to begin...where you feel life is passing by...the worry that you may end up with the wrong person...the worry that you do not have the right person to grow old with....the worry about the things that you wanted to do in your life and you never did so the affair substitutes in as the replacement for the excitement that those life long dreams might have brought you...and yadda yadda....all the other classic midlife crisis symptoms.

Just a thought! Midlife crisis support board may be a better name for this place :-)

PG

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:48am
Yep, I know of a "friend" of mine who needs a support board like this. She is into way too much right now. BTW, midlife crisis starts around 40 in most people. I met OM in my twenties and couldn't call him part of my midlife crisis.... LOL


Edited 2/24/2004 11:52:44 AM ET by julietsfate
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:51am
Well, i am 28, and i don't think i am gonig through a mid life crisis, i just think i am going through two of the hardest things in the world at once.... divorce, and being in love with a MM.

HE, however, i sometimes think is going through a mid life crisis (he's 42).

i jokingly tell him his mid-life crisis's NAME is jen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:03pm
I think its right to apply the midlife crisis theory here in the sense that if most of the people here did make a very good choice when they entered into a marriage and now they find themselves severely judging and questioning their relationship with their spouse...its time for a reality check....the reality that "hey its the worries associated with the mid life which is what’s prompting me to consider affairs"?

I have rented a book on midlife crisis from the library. It’s just a start for me to start looking into this issue. I think if we look at the need to have an affair as a symptom of this crisis and then read each other's stories, we will realize that these feelings that we are developing about our marriages may not really be valid. Thus we may try harder to save the marriage and are able to analyze the attraction that we feel to an outside person in the perspective of the crisis that we are passing through and thus we may be better equipped to handle it.

JMO

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:07pm
Yep, this just about describes my friend. She is always questioning her life and other's too...


Edited 2/24/2004 12:09:21 PM ET by julietsfate
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:07pm
Jenny,

You might not be suffering from the midlife crisis but its precursor which is the reaching-the-big-30-anxiety. LOL.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:14pm
Juliet,

Actually in the book that I am reading, it mentions that in some cases crisis usually starts in late 20s and is kind of coupled with the reaching the 30s anxiety syndrome.

I realize saying "I am having a midlife crisis" doesn't sound as great as feeling sexy and having passionate sex with somebody outside the marriage but maybe that's all that is to it.

Again IMHO :)

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:19pm
"I realize saying "I am having a midlife crisis" doesn't sound as great as feeling sexy and having passionate sex with somebody outside the marriage but maybe that's all that is to it."

Yes, it doesn't sound good does it???

Philly, you should start writing book and stop wasting your time here. You give wonderful advice, why not use it more productive way, hmmm???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:31pm
Maybe I should write a book and document my path through various infatuations and crushes. I lurk around here and when I read people's stories coupled with what I read about midlife does really give me strength to put my feelings about the MM in better perspective. Although I do think that I have better grounds for an affair since my marriage was arranged (I wasnt born here) and my hubby was not exactly what I was looking for.

Things that I have thought of to counter the crisis:

1) Do charity work such as volunteering at a soup kitchen, working at a children's foundation, building in habitat for humanity...I would love that

2) Go gliding..that I have always wanted to do since childhood but never got the chance to do it

3) Record a song, I have been taping songs for many years and am looking for a musician to form a band with


etc, etc

I realize that if I do these things, they would provide better meaning for my life, bring me fulfillment and I wouldn't have to consider an affair to replace what I "think" whats missing in my marriage.


Just a thought.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:41pm
Yeah, go ahead and do it!!! We'all miss you here. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 1:30pm
Juliet-

I met married man in my twenties also....that is why I call him my "quarter life crisis"

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