Midlife crisis support board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Midlife crisis support board
53
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:44am
I notice that most of the people here (one or both partners) are either in their 30s or above ...classic timing for midlife crisis to begin...where you feel life is passing by...the worry that you may end up with the wrong person...the worry that you do not have the right person to grow old with....the worry about the things that you wanted to do in your life and you never did so the affair substitutes in as the replacement for the excitement that those life long dreams might have brought you...and yadda yadda....all the other classic midlife crisis symptoms.

Just a thought! Midlife crisis support board may be a better name for this place :-)

PG

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:40am
I agree with most you said (I suggested Dr. Harley's book on another thread)specially the introspection part where you say many people are not deeply analytical of why they might be having the feelings.

I would just add that many people place too much burden of their own individual happiness on their spouse. One has to be a happy individual first before anybody else can make one happy. Blaming anything or everything of a person's own individual happiness on the marriage seems to be a golden ticket to cheating in many cases which I believe is wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 9:42am
Now this I agree with! I too believe we are all responsible for our own happiness. I, for one, have begun working on my own issues so I can resolve them and be a better partner in the long term. That said, it is still very common for people to delve into marriage much too young and realize down the road that the person they love is someone they're not compatible with.

It's funny, because I actually don't believe cheating is a good thing, contrary to what you may think. I would love nothing better than to be a faithful husband. And I blame myself for my own failings in the past. But I know I'm capable of it and I look forward to proving that to myself. But it is very important to be with someone you feel devoted to and that meets your needs. Anything else is a recipe for disaster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 1:38am
Sorry, PG, I don't buy into the myth of "midlife crisis". Anyone at any age can have an internal/emotional crisis: a high school or college grad with school behind them now wondering what to do with their life; a person of 80 years looking back and contemplating how they lived their life; a 40 year old with a life-altering decision. Internal/emotional crisis aren't always about who we are or where we are going - sometimes it's past or possible regrets, or how we dealt (or didn't deal) with previous emotional experiences and etc.

Perhaps those who are 30 & up on the board are here because they have reached a maturity level that has them seeking answers (though I know some previous posters have been much younger). Maybe younger people feel more freedom in seeking support with friends or family (though I know some 30 or 40-somethings have confided in friends/family). And etc. I don't know, I'm just throwing out possibilities.

There are so many different reasons why people are in A's...some lack self-esteem, some purposely sought an A for sex or emotional security, some leapt before they looked, some enjoy an A relationship, and on and on. One could say there are also many different reasons why people are in M's...some lack self-esteem, some purposely sought a M for sex or emotional security, some leapt before they looked, some enjoy a M relationship, and on and on.

JMHO

Meow (who doesn't like labels, lol)

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