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First, you didn't screw up by telling H you want a D. BUT. IMO, when you are ready to tell them you want a D, you need to be ready to act on it. I cannot imagine still having to live under the same roof as xH after we had that talk.
So, if you're serious about the D, take some steps to get yourself, or H out of the house and start the process. See an atty, file the papers, let him know you're serious. And OMG let him know he is not the boss of you.
Second, WTF? He drags you over to AP's house and tries to force you both to confess. He forbids you from contacting AP. Controlling much? Does he think that he can force you into not getting a D? Does he seriously believe that trying to control your every move is going to make you love him more, and love AP less?
The fact that he is trying to handle this by being controlling, rather than being loving and trying to figure out what is wrong in your M and if you can work on it, tells me that he has no earthly idea how to relate to you, and chances are, if you considered staying M, it wouldn't work out too well.
So while I have certainly not been where you are, my advice would be to start the D process and let H know that he does not control you. Then yes, you and AP might need to lie low for a while. But once those D papers are filed it really is none of H's business who you spend your time with.
First, you didn't screw up by telling H you want a D. BUT. IMO, when you are ready to tell them you want a D, you need to be ready to act on it. I cannot imagine still having to live under the same roof as xH after we had that talk.
So, if you're serious about the D, take some steps to get yourself, or H out of the house and start the process. See an atty, file the papers, let him know you're serious. And OMG let him know he is not the boss of you.
Second, WTF? He drags you over to AP's house and tries to force you both to confess. He forbids you from contacting AP. Controlling much? Does he think that he can force you into not getting a D? Does he seriously believe that trying to control your every move is going to make you love him more, and love AP less?
The fact that he is trying to handle this by being controlling, rather than being loving and trying to figure out what is wrong in your M and if you can work on it, tells me that he has no earthly idea how to relate to you, and chances are, if you considered staying M, it wouldn't work out too well.
So while I have certainly not been where you are, my advice would be to start the D process and let H know that he does not control you. Then yes, you and AP might need to lie low for a while. But once those D papers are filed it really is none of H's business who you spend your time with.