Miserable

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Miserable
6
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 12:54am

Wow, this sucks so bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 1:02am

I'm so sorry, jane :(.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 9:16am

Jane...((BIG HUGS))


I'm not going to sugarcoat it...the coming days are going to be DIFFICULT. Are you resolved in ending it? If so, honey, PLOW through...it's going to SUCK, you're going to HURT, your H merely breathing will absolutely annoy the HE** out of you, you'll want to sleep to avoid feeling all the CRAP...EVERYTHING you're describing is so "textbook" on how this seems to run most of the time...so...you're QUITE normal :)


Something that helped me was to set aside some time each day and just meet all those HARD emotions head on :) Just sit with them, cry, get MAD...whatever...just don't stuff it down b/c it will come blowing out at some point :)


I know you've been over on EAS, and I can tell by your post that you have read and internalized what you need to do. Putting it into practice is a whole other thing :) But you can do it, and there are plenty of amazing women over there you can lean on.


I was SO nodding my head in agreement when you commented about how lonely your days felt...I have walked MILES in those shoes, sister :) You're doing ALL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 9:25am

(((Hugs))) to you janejosie.

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 9:47am

Hi Jane

I'm so sorry to hear how much you are hurting. So much of what you've said I've felt too! It seems there are a lot of similar painful themes in many of the messages on this board.

Not having contact with your AP is excruciating. You get so used to little texts, emails, whatever, and it's so true, when we get them, it's like a hit of crack or something. It feels soooo good and keeps us addicted!

Basically, you are in withdrawl. I read somewhere that when we fall for someone, our serotonin levels drop and we obsessively start thinking of them (like people with Obsessive compulsive disorder have low levels of serotonin). Probably some of the other 'feel good' chemicals are also released. Then when we suddenly aren't getting that anymore, it's excruciating withdrawl.

During times when I have had no idea what my AP wants (still not totally sure) and since he runs hot or cold with me, I've found every second I'm alone unbearable. When I wake up in the morning and my SO is gone for work, I get instant anxiety. I can't stand to be alone - it's depressing, I cry, and think about him all the time. I try to spend as much time with friends, in order to keep those feelings at bay. I think you're right on with trying to nurture your friendships.

As for your DH annoying you, that's also to be expected. Ride it out. Don't do anything rash. Re-evaluate in 6 months.

Also, even though you say it wasn't a deep A, I think your feelings now indicate that this wasn't the case (which is totally normal). I think we try and make ourselves believe that it's nothing serious and that we can handle it and that its just a bit of fun, but I think rarely can we keep it that way (this may be more so for women).

I also liked the suggestion of allowing yourself some time alone to cry. I definitely do that. Otherwise it just bottles up inside you. Let yourself have a good bawl. Then call up some friends and distract yourself.

Is there any friend you can talk to about this? I recently opened up to 2 close friends of mine who I know I can trust, and it has must SUCH a difference, especially as I am waiting to hear from my AP whether he wants to continue after my work contract is up.

It's tough. It's so hard and feels unbearable. I've had days where I'm hysterical with tears. It is like a drug addiction. But you were okay before you starting using this 'drug', and you will be okay eventually after you quit 'using'. You had a life and happiness before, and you will again in time.

One question - is this 'it'? As in, is it over? Or is this a break?

Hang in there. We all know how much this hurts :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 2:30pm

Thanks so much for the replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 10:46pm

"I don't see how you did it for 3 months..." Well...my friend, this is