Missing him sooo much
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Missing him sooo much
| Sun, 03-28-2004 - 11:27pm |
Hey everybody, well here it is with the weekend fixing to end and i havent heard anything from MM. I tried keeping myself busy with cleaning house from top to bottom, having company over and spending time with my son and now tommorrow i will be feeling sad and lonely again. I really hate this NC, the last thing i heard from him was that he finally spilled the beans and said he loved me over chatting on the computer. I dont know if he just realized what he said and didnt mean it or if he did mean and it scared him. I have no clue what he is thinking. I do know that i am getting tired of this no contact thing for weeks. He used to send me sweet little im's saying he missed me and was thinking about me and that was before we even started getting serious with the relationship. He tells me over and over we need time together and i know we do, it's not like he is telling me something i dont know, but he isnt making the effort like i am doing. I have sent him several im's which i shouldnt do anymore b/c that's only going to make me look too vulnerable. I feel like in a way i am begging him to spend time with me. When i do call he acts like nothing is wrong with our relationship. We have never had an argument or anything remotely to that and i think the reason why i havent stood up to him is because i dont wont to lose him but i am getting tired of it. It's affecting my life, everyday i think about him and i miss him so much but im started to feel like he doesnt care. I know my MM stays busy with his job and everything else but am i asking too much just to see him even for a few hours. I thought maybe since i havent seen him or talked to him, my feelings would kinda just fade away but no not for me they are getting stronger, i guess the heart does grow fonder. I am just really sad, frustrated, angry, etc. I am going to try to be strong and not call him like i usually do and hope he comes around. I just was on cloud nine with him telling me he loves me and now i feel like my world is crashing down on me. Sorry so long just needed to vent. Hope yall have a great day, cant wait to see your replys on this one.

Hi Georgia,
NC *STINKS* (and I could be much more descriptive, but it probably wouldn't make it past the monitors...)
From what you wrote, though, it sounds like he's have a panic attack. If the last thing he said was that he loves you, and then he hunkered down and is hiding, my guess is that he's trying to deal with his feelings from inside that darn cave men seem to love.
Hang in there, and give him the room to adjust. We're here for you. Please let me know if I can do anything. If you'd like to email me, please feel free.
**hugs**
Cazrida
I have no idea whats going on with him. I know he had a couple of business trips in the last 2 weeks also.
But still, this hot and cold thing, is very confusing and really beginning to tick me off.
Last week I only sent him a one word email "hello?"
That was it. I am NOT going to try again. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.
I didn't really think about him alot this weekend either. I was pretty busy with the kids and H.
And actually, H is making moves like he wants to try harder on our R. So that is a good thing, maybe the best thing for me. Because if things get better at home with H, I won't probably want to see MM anymore. I feel like this thing maybe is beginning to run it's course. We'll see. Take care everyone,
Dusty
Maybe I can be more like the man, and just let it go for now. And if I see him again, just use him how he seems to be using me.
But I don't get it. He's said he wouldn't have been doing this so long (over 2 years) if he didn't like me. And he does have to cross an international border to visit me. And I crossed over this past weekend to the U.S., it is a real hassle these days (as you all know).
So he has to devote his whole afternoon to getting over and everything when he does see me, which is usually every week.
I am just so conflicted over the whole thing. On the one hand, I would love to see him again. But on the other, I feel it's not right to treat us this way. Not even a simple email or anything to let us know what the heck is going on. Maybe his kids are on their spring break and they went for a vacation, but you think he could at least tell me.
I think if I do hear from him again, I'm going to have to stand up for myself and tell him that although I enjoy seeing him, I do NOT enjoy being disrespected like this. And if he wants to keep on seeing me, he'd better smarten up!!
Dusty