Missing him sooo much

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Missing him sooo much
5
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 11:27pm
Hey everybody, well here it is with the weekend fixing to end and i havent heard anything from MM. I tried keeping myself busy with cleaning house from top to bottom, having company over and spending time with my son and now tommorrow i will be feeling sad and lonely again. I really hate this NC, the last thing i heard from him was that he finally spilled the beans and said he loved me over chatting on the computer. I dont know if he just realized what he said and didnt mean it or if he did mean and it scared him. I have no clue what he is thinking. I do know that i am getting tired of this no contact thing for weeks. He used to send me sweet little im's saying he missed me and was thinking about me and that was before we even started getting serious with the relationship. He tells me over and over we need time together and i know we do, it's not like he is telling me something i dont know, but he isnt making the effort like i am doing. I have sent him several im's which i shouldnt do anymore b/c that's only going to make me look too vulnerable. I feel like in a way i am begging him to spend time with me. When i do call he acts like nothing is wrong with our relationship. We have never had an argument or anything remotely to that and i think the reason why i havent stood up to him is because i dont wont to lose him but i am getting tired of it. It's affecting my life, everyday i think about him and i miss him so much but im started to feel like he doesnt care. I know my MM stays busy with his job and everything else but am i asking too much just to see him even for a few hours. I thought maybe since i havent seen him or talked to him, my feelings would kinda just fade away but no not for me they are getting stronger, i guess the heart does grow fonder. I am just really sad, frustrated, angry, etc. I am going to try to be strong and not call him like i usually do and hope he comes around. I just was on cloud nine with him telling me he loves me and now i feel like my world is crashing down on me. Sorry so long just needed to vent. Hope yall have a great day, cant wait to see your replys on this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 11:43pm


Hi Georgia,

NC *STINKS* (and I could be much more descriptive, but it probably wouldn't make it past the monitors...)

From what you wrote, though, it sounds like he's have a panic attack. If the last thing he said was that he loves you, and then he hunkered down and is hiding, my guess is that he's trying to deal with his feelings from inside that darn cave men seem to love.


Hang in there, and give him the room to adjust. We're here for you. Please let me know if I can do anything. If you'd like to email me, please feel free.

**hugs**



Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 12:12am
Thanks alot for your input, i really do appreciate your support. I just dont understand men, first they are hot and then they are cold, so frustrating. I keep telling myself to give him time, keep busy and think about other things but that's so hard especially for me b/c my mind is always going 90 to nothing with thoughts mainly of him. He has one day off that usually is the day we meet up and see each other so i try to call him the day before to see how his week is going so far and ask him if he wants to get together and see each other but i hardly ever get him to pick up the phone and so i'll call him the next day to just talk to him, to hear his voice, you know (the well if i cant see you then i'll just talk to you kinda thing) but nine times out of ten he's not there. I dont wont him to think he has me wrapped around his finger and i'll do whatever he wants me to do so i'll try not to call him but i end up doing it anyways. I'm ok everyday of the week except that day we usually see each other and then i get depressed and start crying trying to figure out why he isnt home, or why i havent heard from him. I am really getting to the point where i am about to give up on our relationship if things doesnt change. I know i could lose him b/c last time i got impatient like this, i sent him a nasty email, he got it and read it and i didnt hear anything else from him. Finally i got the nerve up after a mth and called him and apologized about it. He forgave me and we met up to talk about it. He never tells me he misses me but i really know he does. I poured my heart out to him and so we started this A up again. He said he was so angry at me and he even went and talked (just talked) to an ex gf he dated a long time ago and said the reason why was b/c he wanted to get back at me for making him mad, which i knew he was not just mad but hurt. I knew just from that conversation his feelings were deeper than he led on. 2 weeks went by and then next thing i know he tells me i love you. I love him too and would do anything for him but staying on the sidelines just isnt working for me anymore. anyways, thanks again and yes i will like us to exchange addys so we can email each other more since we are facing the NC thing. Have a nice day
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:46am
You ladies are right, NC sucks!! Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since last time I talked with him. And at that time, he said we should get together the following week. What is wrong with these men?? Say one thing, do another. Tell you they want to see you, then NC for a couple of weeks?

I have no idea whats going on with him. I know he had a couple of business trips in the last 2 weeks also.

But still, this hot and cold thing, is very confusing and really beginning to tick me off.

Last week I only sent him a one word email "hello?"

That was it. I am NOT going to try again. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.

I didn't really think about him alot this weekend either. I was pretty busy with the kids and H.

And actually, H is making moves like he wants to try harder on our R. So that is a good thing, maybe the best thing for me. Because if things get better at home with H, I won't probably want to see MM anymore. I feel like this thing maybe is beginning to run it's course. We'll see. Take care everyone,

Dusty
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 1:09pm
I totally agree with you dustyrose2, it is very frustrating and it really is making me mad, it's been almost a month since i have seen MM and the last thing he said was we needed to see each other more and now the NC!!!! I have gotten to the point and i know it's sad to say but if i dont hear from him then oh well. My feelings have not changed for him and i dont think they ever will but i am not going to be sitting here sad and feeling lonely, checking my email several times a day wishing there was one from him in it. He is not being fair, you cant just tell me that you love me for the first time and then just disappear it isnt right and i wouldnt do that to him. I have been really honest with MM, I dont know if maybe he is starting to feel guilty but honestly i think it's too late to start having guilty feelings since we have been seeing each other off and on for a year. I then start just wondering if maybe she has something to do with this but as far as i know she doesnt have a clue about us. My H knows about the MM and the A and he didnt just find out once but twice, I am not a good liar and he always knows when i am lieing b/c i have a smirk on my face, the H knows me too well. Anyways, i set the day aside that we are suppose to meet up and wait and wait for him to im me or something but usually if i dont hear from him the nite before, then chances are we arent going to see each other and then i get upset. Start going thru the conversation we last had to make sure i didnt say something that may have offended him. When i say something to MM about it, he tells me i assume too much and what i am really probably thinking which is the worst is not the case at all, just that he stays busy. Well i know that his job does keep him busy but we were at one time working at the same place and he still made time for me through his hectic schedule. I dont understand him or any of the other MM's for that matter. I am sure his W wouldnt deal with it and i have really started thinking that maybe i shouldnt either. well sorry so long, just needed to vent so upset right now. hope to hear from yall about this issue. hope everyone has a nice day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 6:41pm
Well, if I don't hear from him and soon, I'm not sure at all what I'm going to do. I have a feeling he may be going thru a "guilt" period. He's had these a couple times I think. And then I don't hear from him for a few weeks. But then I think he really starts missing what we have (sex) and gets in touch again.

Maybe I can be more like the man, and just let it go for now. And if I see him again, just use him how he seems to be using me.

But I don't get it. He's said he wouldn't have been doing this so long (over 2 years) if he didn't like me. And he does have to cross an international border to visit me. And I crossed over this past weekend to the U.S., it is a real hassle these days (as you all know).

So he has to devote his whole afternoon to getting over and everything when he does see me, which is usually every week.

I am just so conflicted over the whole thing. On the one hand, I would love to see him again. But on the other, I feel it's not right to treat us this way. Not even a simple email or anything to let us know what the heck is going on. Maybe his kids are on their spring break and they went for a vacation, but you think he could at least tell me.

I think if I do hear from him again, I'm going to have to stand up for myself and tell him that although I enjoy seeing him, I do NOT enjoy being disrespected like this. And if he wants to keep on seeing me, he'd better smarten up!!

Dusty
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