Mixed feelings about my affair
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Mixed feelings about my affair
| Sat, 07-26-2003 - 6:41pm |
I am not used to talking about my relationship with a married man. I was raised not to do this, and it took me by surprise. But here I am, and I'm not unhappy in it. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I love this man and he means a lot to me. Sometimes when I think of him and his wife together, I feel very jealous. But that never lasts, because my shameful secret is that I wouldn't want to be married if I had the choice. I prefer to be single, but sometimes I want more because I don't have it. Does that make any sense? The mm calls me every few days and I see him 2 times a year. He has asked to see me more, but I refuse because I am afraid of others finding out. I like having sex with him, and he enjoys it with me. We are close friends, and have been that for almost 10 years. We talk about politics, life as a single (me), life as a married (him), we can talk to each other for hours about anything. I like him being my friend and lover. So whats wrong with this picture? Why can't I be content with this? Feedback, please.

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I thought I was following a very interesting thought
of yours to its logical conclusion.
You will find me a develish tease, but devoid of malice.
Thanks for the fun.
You are welcome. Even a blind pig occasionally
finds a truffle. I have found mine today.
I have actually given quiet's situation some more thought, and I really do understand where she is coming from. I think that there are some cases on here and out there where two people who are married to others really have a deep connection and don't "want" to have an affair but end up having one anyway. They are not proud of what they are doing, and, in fact, they are saddened by it. But they have an abiding love for one another. The sex may even be somewhat beside the point.
I don't see that a lot here, but I do think it is possible. I think Quiet may be one of those though....
That must be my problem, I am working too hard at the affair.
I just need to chill out and let one jump me some day on the
street!
Hmmm, the "unintentional affair"? If the sex is beside
the point, is it an affair? Is this what is called
"emotional infidelity"?
I guess I don't buy it. I love a lot of people. Most of them,
sadly, I have never slept with and never will. But I still
love them. Many of them I flirt with, and they flirt back.
So there is an emotional bond, and no, I don't consider
myself unfaithful with them. The vow was to "cleave unto".
I don't get nearly as much cleavage in my life as I used to, but
I still don't consider loving someone else as being unfaithful
I used to consider the world as being pretty black and white.
Lets just say my eyes have been opened to vast pallets of grey.
I read your post, found it interesting, and thought I'd give you my thoughts. I too am single, LOVE BEING SINGLE, in an affair, ENJOY MY AFFAIR, and am satisfied with my life.
What I found most interesting is that you consider wanting to stay single your "shameful secret". You say that you have known this MM for 10 years, and you talk to him every few days, so it appears that the friendship/relationship is stable. I am assuming that the twice a year get together only applies to sex.
Perhaps, because of your background and other influences, you are having mixed feelings because you feel like you "ought" to be seeking something else, especially since you view wanting to be single as "shameful". Given that some women can not find happiness as a single woman, do you find yourself pretending to believe and feel things that you don't?
I am just throwing some thoughts out at you based on what you wrote...
Rose (one who has no problem going against the grain :-))
High five. I don't know many people like me, but you seem to be one: happily single, happily having an A. Life's good, huh?
I posted #2 in this thread, FYI.
--LG
PS: Guess I'll jump up and start a thread, so look for it.
Actually, I meant that the two people ARE having sex. But the sex is just a natural outflow of the love. Hard to explain. I think that is different though from the lust-driven relationships I see here. In truth, my own marriage was quite lust-driven from the get-go - we were very hot for each other right from the start, although that has given way to more of a friendship over time. I think that some affairs start out as the friendship that the marriage never was at the outset and develop into a physical relationship too. A relationship like that wouldn't take "work" at all - it would be like Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles. Camilla is far less attractive objectively than Diana was, and yet Charles loves her abidingly and always has. There is far more to that relationship than lust for a hottie.
I am talking not from experience but from my imaginings. Does what I am saying make sense?
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