Mixed Messages?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Mixed Messages?
5
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 6:15pm

I just started a physical affair with my husband's best friend last week. We both agreed to take it to our grave.


He is confusing me though. He has said that he would date me if I was single. But then he says he doesn't like me. Then he will txt me and say he has feelings for me, but it would be bad if we actually fell for each other.


I know this is vague, but what the hell? I am confused and I like him. We've been good friends for a long time and things changed earlier this year. He does the little things that you do for someone you like. The tone of his voice has changed from how we used to talk. It's hard to explain.


His actions are one way one day, and the opposite the next day. Any advice or insight? I am trying to figure out how he feels because he is very vague in answers if I ask him. I HAVE asked him, and he just says something about we cant fall for each other because it would be bad for everyone involved. I have no intentions of leaving my husband for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 7:58pm
My advise is if you have no plans to leave your husband for this man than PLEASE STOP while you are ahead!! I went through the same thing, but I met him at my used to be job and everything BLEW-UP in my face...and I don't know what to do myself or even with myself...how long have you been married to your spouse? Perhaps you can do something, anything, with him to get your mind off that guy...i'm writing b/c I would never ever want what is happening to me to happen to anyone else...I was so foolish b/c I never thought about what I was doing. I was being compulsive and did things without realizing the life altering consequences. You wouldn't want to hurt your husband...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 2:16am

torn_heart


I'm not saying this to be mean...you asked for opinions as to what we think is going on.


Imo, I'll bet he is feeling tremendous guilt and remorse.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:48am
I agree with the other posters. I think he is feeling guilt. If you have no intentions of leaving your H I say end it as well while it is still early. Not only would you hurt your H with the pain of betrayal, but he would loose his BF as well. Not trying to put you down in anyway but it usually not if you get caught but when. No matter what you decide we are here.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:34am
Take a break from each other to let some fog clear, if not all.That is to mean, take a step back and try to sought out what is it that you really want. I believe your AP is S. Its possible that he wants to take a step ahead with you but since you dont have any plans to leave your M.You can tell him that and then let him decide what he wants.Some M women continue to have A's with S men ( or S men continue to have A with M women), no biggie , just that we dont see those S men on these boards often!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 11:56am

Thanks for the advice. I ended up talking to him that night and just asking. He cleared the air and things are fine.


I am not leaving my husband for him. So don't worry. Things will probably just fizzle out on their own, and I am not worried about it.