Mixed signals

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
Mixed signals
19
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 11:42am

Good Morning.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 11:47am
sorry i dont know why it keeps posting as high interest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 12:19pm
I know exactly what you are going through. My AP and I were best of friends before we started getting heavier into the EA then finally the PA. We talked about a future and both tried leaving our spouses, we each did that on our own though, there was no guarantee at the time we would be together. We have a week where we can spend the days together and a couple nights coming up, then he wants to end the physical and go back to friends. He's scared of getting caught and doesn't want to ruin both our lives. For now he has chosen to stay with his wife because he doens't want to start over, and because he has chosen not to have kids and I have two young ones. In the last week he seems to be flip flopping over ending after our week. I'm crossing my fingers we don't stop and really hoping that one day we can be together. I am head over heals in love with him, for me it was love at first sight over 10 years ago, this has been like a dream come true for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 12:26pm

Hi Soulshine,


The high interest flag means that you are logged on and this is your post. You are the only one who sees it (the flag, I mean).


I used to post on here ocasionally few years ago, but now I am mostly just reading.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 12:35pm
Thank you for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 12:40pm
If it's just sex to him now then be tough and leave it at that. The push and pull will be very hard on you, just when you think your healing he'll call and it'll start all over again. My AP told me he gives me permission to slap him if it ever starts to be just about sex. Since it didn't start out that way I doubt that's where it will head. We haven't exactly discussed love, but we always talk about feelings and I know he feels a lot for me, can't see us going backwards.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 1:07pm

ours didnt start out that way either and thats why this pulling away is so hard. I know he has feelings for me. he said it never was about just sex and it couldnt be, but the pulling away makes ME feel that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 2:23pm
Wow, I can't believe how much your story sounds like mine!! I could be writing exactly what you are saying. Actually I pretty much have. I'm holding out for my AP to change his mind, which it seems he is doing. If not, I'm going to be devastated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 2:37pm

My AP is single. Is yours? Im sorry I dont remember. I am holding out too that he will have a change of heart and one morning I will wake up and it will be the way it was a few weeks ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 2:53pm

Thank you for letting me know what it meant.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
In reply to: soulshine79
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 3:00pm

My AP is married, no kids, I am married with two. We have known each other for 10 years. He is my husbands best friend. Not a good situation, I know, but it is what it is. We started off very hot and heavy and had to pull back to make our relationships at home work out. All his idea. We were supposed to meet up one day a month or so ago, we planned on sex but last minute he said he felt too guilty so we just hung out. He said after spending 4 days on vacation with just his wife he felt too guilty. We were still going ahead with our plans for our week together but until then we couldn't get physical. A week after that I left for 5 days and didn't have any contact with him. He was out of town working and we usually spend every evening talking. He said he really missed me that week and I think that's what changed his mind. Ever since then it's been back to hot and heavy but not as much conversation about feelings. We can talk for hours though about nothing, time will tell if it's only about sex I guess but I don't think it ever will be.

Hopefully he changes his mind for your sake. Are you willing to leave your husband? It's probably hard on him being single and knowing he will never have a chance to be with you.

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