Mixed signals -messing me up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
Mixed signals -messing me up
25
Mon, 10-27-2008 - 4:07pm

Guess I just need to vent and stop myself from calling .calling calling him...


I am getting such mixed messages from my AP,,,so I am trying really hard right now to just lay back and wait...and its killing me..


Things have not been good for him at home the last few weeks..and he has asked me to be patient and strong...have seen each other only a couple times..but have talked on phone and computer ,,he is totally stressed and trying to fix things the best way he can.? I am going through my own stuff but not sharing any with him cause know he is at his limit at the moment..But he does try to find time when he can for us..


the thing is ..he told me he was going away for a week to do some work and the same time get away ,,ok..understandable..although am jealous I couldn;t go and he will have time with friends.and not me..But hey we all need a break once in a while..Saw him last week and it was good.and he called me after and said he would call me before he left or while on the road..Well nothing...not a word..I know when he was leaving..and no word from him..and I tried calling couple times and just get that F@@@@ message unavailable..


thought for sure he would call from the road..but nope...I think he probably hit the road and said screw them all and turned his phone off and is just enjoying the peace ..but ,,,,,,why didn;t he call me?? am I stressing over nothing?? here come the mind games i so hate....ughhh...Why do I do this to myself..I don't deserve to be treated this way..none of us do...I would never ever treat someone I care about this way...Is it just me?? What do you do to keep your mind from imagining all sorts of things?? I am trying to tell myself patience patience ,,,its all good., is it?? ughh thanks for letting me vent...here I go again on the lovely roller coaster ride..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
Tue, 10-28-2008 - 10:14pm

this is so hard...I haven;t heard a word from him...I did try calling him the other day and nothing...I used a pay phone today ..(God why can;t I stop myself) and instead of getting that stupid message about being unvailvale..the phone just rang and rang..and no he never did call me..


I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and die..I just don't understand how you can blow someone off like he is doing to me..Everything seemed to be great the last time I saw him..My heart is hurting so bad and yet I have to go on like everything is normal..I am making myself sick with the stupid questions in my head..I am trying to convince myself not to call him ever again ..and just wait to see IF or when he ever calls me..again..I am so confused..Why do we have to play these games.?? I hate it...I feel so lost and confused..what the hell is wrong with me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 10:14am
Boys will be boys..he is having a good time and forgot about everything else. This is how men are, unfortunately. Being in vulnerable position of his AP, you interpret it in a bad way, of course, because your position is so insecure.
I know how you feel. I felt like that just yesterday. Talked to my AP yesterday midday...and haven't heard from him til this morning, which is unusual, we usually continue texting throughout the day.
I was sitting and crying last night and hating myself for that. He finally sent me a text late night - "Miss you..." I decided not to respond...
Please distract yourself with something. I know this feeling very well - sitting there and waiting for the phone call and dying from uncertainty. (((Hugs))) to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 9:30pm

(((((hugs back))

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 8:27pm
sighh ..Still have not heard a word from my
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 11:39pm
You are lucky to have a job that keeps you occupied... keep yourself busy and try to get distracted. I know it is hard, but do it for yourself.
Good luck to get through weekend. Keep us updated.
(((Hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 7:39pm

just me again..posting so I won't call...but today has been such a horrible day..had the day off work and H was such a crab and so damn moody..we wound up going for a ride together and barely spoke.. wound up going home after a bit and he went to watch his beloved tv..I really think my marriage is coming to a end..we are just so differnt now and do hardly anything together..we were supposed to go to a party but of course he would rather stay home and watch tv..so .... me being upset...i decided to go for a ride and cry ..I am so stupid...I wound up driving and driving until I found myself down the road from my APs house..I guess I wanted to see if he was home from his trip yet.. so that would explain why he has not called me..mind you ,.he has no idea I know where he lives....I wish I would not of done this..I sat there for a minute looking at his home and feeling incredibly sad ...(his vechile or his wives were not there) so I take it he is not back yet..not sure..Anyway while I was sitting there,I bent down to find some tissues and when I was just picking my head up ..here comes his W's vechile.it passed me(i was on side of road) and went into driveway...Ohh God I pray it was her driving that vechile and not him) He would be so upset to see me there) ..I pretended i was on cell phone and had my face sorta covered..but still..Now I am driving myself crazy praying it was her and not him..Why oh why am I so stupid and feeling so desparte?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 11:47pm
Ruledbythemoon, one thing you have to tell yourself is obsession is never healthy, because not one person can satisfy you enough to make you happy. Please, please, create your own lif separate from him, something that will give you satisfaction regardless if he is with you or not.
Good luck and hugs to you. I would think you need a break from him to reevaluate the whole situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 1:01am
a wise friend of mine who has been in her A over 5 yrs gave me great advice when i told her i would be in AP's 'neighborhood' (he lives 50 min away) and considered doing a drive by----
she told me that is one mental image i do not want to have.
i didnt do it and i am glad i chose not to.
if you plan to continue this A u need to get a grip or this will destroy u...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 1:15am
Try changing your bill from a paper bill to an electronic bill. You can probably still find out the numbers called and received, but H would have to do some work to find it. If he is anything like my H was he won't bother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 1:46am

Hi ruledbythemoon :)


It takes a stalker to know one....that would be me...knowing you.


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