Mixed signals -messing me up
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 10-27-2008 - 4:07pm |
Guess I just need to vent and stop myself from calling .calling calling him...
I am getting such mixed messages from my AP,,,so I am trying really hard right now to just lay back and wait...and its killing me..
Things have not been good for him at home the last few weeks..and he has asked me to be patient and strong...have seen each other only a couple times..but have talked on phone and computer ,,he is totally stressed and trying to fix things the best way he can.? I am going through my own stuff but not sharing any with him cause know he is at his limit at the moment..But he does try to find time when he can for us..
the thing is ..he told me he was going away for a week to do some work and the same time get away ,,ok..understandable..although am jealous I couldn;t go and he will have time with friends.and not me..But hey we all need a break once in a while..Saw him last week and it was good.and he called me after and said he would call me before he left or while on the road..Well nothing...not a word..I know when he was leaving..and no word from him..and I tried calling couple times and just get that F@@@@ message unavailable..
thought for sure he would call from the road..but nope...I think he probably hit the road and said screw them all and turned his phone off and is just enjoying the peace ..but ,,,,,,why didn;t he call me?? am I stressing over nothing?? here come the mind games i so hate....ughhh...Why do I do this to myself..I don't deserve to be treated this way..none of us do...I would never ever treat someone I care about this way...Is it just me?? What do you do to keep your mind from imagining all sorts of things?? I am trying to tell myself patience patience ,,,its all good., is it?? ughh thanks for letting me vent...here I go again on the lovely roller coaster ride..

Pages
I am right there with you sister,.my Ap is going through a very rough patch and its making it very hard if not impossible for us to see each other let alone talk..Its so frustrating the waiting game.But you are right about just taking that leap of faith..I guess that is what we need to do..I keep telling myself that he is counting on
An Update..Ap got back home and emailed me the next morning to tell me how sorry he was he hadn;t called or emailed..he was worried about cell phone bill as W has been asking why so high? He told me he was so proud of me and happy that I was being so understanding and strong and did not lose it on him..He expected to find some kind of email from me going off on him when he got home..He thanked me for my patience and told me how much he appreciated it and me.. Well we have talked a few times on the phone since he got home which has been almost 2 weeks..He says he has been swamped with work and so have I..
I am so relieved he has no idea that I drove by his place..Thank God.and not something I plan on doing again..
Anyway we are planning on trying to fit in a hour or 2 tomorrow to see each other..God i wish we could have more time..Do you think it will ever happen? Just a whole day where we can put the outside world aside..and talk and enjoy each other's company..he promised me it would ..and he doesnt make promises lightly.but its the waiting for that ,that is driving me crazy...
I am thinking if I should bring up some of my questions and doubts tomorrow when I see him or just enjoy the moments I have with him and not put any pressure on ?
Go with the flow when you see him.
If you feel the need to ask him questions, then do so, I know I want to ask AP a million, but when I see him, they fly right out of my head. I usually think carefully about one or two, that I really would like to know and during our time together I ask those. That way we spend quality time together and I don't put pressure on him.
You do have the right to express your feelings and voice your concerns, as you are an equal part in your A with your AP and need to get satisfaction as well. If something is really bothering you, then go ahead and ask.
Pisces
Edited 11/23/2008 8:52 pm ET by pisces2008
Thanks Pisces..
I am the same way..when we have not talked or seen each other ..I have a million thoughts and questions running around in my head..but when we do get to finally see each other..they literally are all forgotten..I am just so happy to be with him and enjoy the moments we have..but as soon as we part..the doubts and questions invade my head and heart once again..ughh... the thing is ..we are still getting to know one another and in between all this..his W has really been putting pressure on him..and things are not good at home for him at all..plus he works non stop..I do believe he is honest with me..and that is where lays some of my doubts..I want to ask him ..what exactly do I mean to him , but am afraid I might not like the answer.But he will tell me he does not ask for anything he can not give in return..but then he will turn around and tell me .to please be patient with him and usually he would be more there for me but its just not a good time for him right now..??
I guess only time will tell ,and the key is to keep myself busy enough so the insecurites and doubts don;t invade my life..its hard though..and like I said ..I want so much for us to be able to spend a day or night alone together so bad it is almost eating me up...he says it will happen..I hope I can be patient enough to
Good luck to keeping busy. I have not had a single day where I've succeeded in not thinking about AP. Sometimes I manage more than a couple of hours but I'm nowhere near as obsessive in my thinking now as I was in the first few months of the A. I now (mostly) have reached a point where I take each day as it comes. Some days I succeed better than others though, LOL.
A few pointers I've thought of, that have helped keep me from total insanity (I was going to write 'sane' but that's not the right word, LOL)
Don't ask any questions you mightn't want to know the answer.
Take his answers at face value when he gives them.
Don't obsess and don't overanalyse. And I know how hard it is not to do either of those.
Try not to think ahead to what could be. If you are daydreaming, make very sure that you realise you are fantasising, nothing more.
Just enjoy what you have when you have it and stay very much in the present moment.
That's the only way an A can work.
Pisces
Edited 11/23/2008 8:53 pm ET by pisces2008
Pages