MM advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2009
MM advice
8
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 11:40am

Ok, I have posted one other time here awile back and I am just looking for a little advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
In reply to: livinlyf
Sun, 09-06-2009 - 11:45am

Hi LL...


I soooo understand that drive for 3 hours to see him -- I did the same thing -- only I was expecting to stay the night with him...and the unthinkable happened...his W called and he hightailed it home after I spent all that time driving and gas and tolls...I was completely floored. It made me so angry and miserable.


I too was married for 6 years...actually married twice - for 4 years the second time. Neither breakup was over an affair but total incompatibility. It isn't easy to live with someone. It was love at first for both marriages (crazy love and sexual desire for the second for sure) and then it soured -- after being what I've been through and seeing other marriages fail...I certainly and wholeheartedly believe that it dies for ALL relationships no matter what the circumstances.


You have to ask yourself what you want, need and will tolerate for this

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
In reply to: livinlyf
Sun, 09-06-2009 - 9:53pm

Hi ajapauppy,


Your post spoke to me. I am really getting to the place where this A is becoming torturous. I think I want to be with him in a real R. Sometimes I think not and sometimes I think I just want him to want to be in a real R with me instead of his W. Also me and my H are seperated but I still love him but don't think we will end up back together, but still feel guilty for having an A while we were together even though he wasnt paying me any attention. Just soo much confusion


Anyways, I love AP so much. We have been going at this for a year. I'm really starting to really feel crazy. Wanting him all to myself and not able to talk to him when I want, the guilt, jealousy and pain of it all. I know he loves me but dont know if he will leave his W. Sometimes I dont want him to fear that

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2009
In reply to: livinlyf
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 10:29pm

A,


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
In reply to: livinlyf
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 8:31pm

You know I thank you for the positive feedback since it took me awhile to get here and Im still not sure where I am!!


It isn't easy -- there are soooo many feelings attached to this and I went through them all like a freak with a multiple personality disorder, (I love him, I hate him, I don't care!, what if?...but, why?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
In reply to: livinlyf
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 9:46pm
I have been in your place but I have to remind myself about what sex means for men. For them sex is just that ---sex--- on the other hand, we pour our hearts out, we pour feelings into the situation and that is what brings us down. With my AP I never have shared my feelings for him because I know that I will not gain anything by telling him, on the contrary, I will feel vulnerable. I think that if he does not have the same feelings for you, your telling him will scare him away. You have to think if that is a risk you want to take. You have said he'll probably NOT leave his wife, I think you are at a crossroads: continue as it is, or share your feelings with him and see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2009
In reply to: livinlyf
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 11:24pm

Layshka,


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2009
In reply to: livinlyf
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 11:31pm

A,


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
In reply to: livinlyf
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 3:28pm

LL,


I am glad to have helped even if in some small measure...it is good to know that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings and reactions. It is a process to go through that if we do it right will result in a learning experience if nothing else.


Yeah, a new guy in the pic and the psychology if it is mindboggling and something I just don't understand. I do compare --- yes I do. It is not fair I know. But I just can't help it. It's gonna take me a looooooooong time to get over this one. I have no desire to be with anyone whatsoever.


I have been down the road of a broken heart more times than I care to think about and am fully prepared to live life alone for the rest of. I'm just plain done...not that i recommend that for anyone else...but I have looked deep within and just don't cherish the idea of sharing with anyone. I want to be free.


I know it is tempting to say that when we are not looking is when we will find...all I can say to that is...uuuughhhhhh.